


see through my soul

by haniya_A_leo1996



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hate to Love, M/M, Self-Harm, WIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-09 19:14:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 32,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4361036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haniya_A_leo1996/pseuds/haniya_A_leo1996
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry styles was the boy no one knew he existed. He choose to live that way after getting hurt so bad. But he didn't know the worst day of his life can be the starting of his new life...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i never thought i could hate someone more than myself

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. My name is haniya and this is my first fanfic ever. I really hope u like it. Don't go hard on me plz im new with this.  
> Thank u :) xxox

Edited:  
Pov harry:  
i hate Fridays. Unlike every other boy of my age i hate the times im not at school or i have nothing to do. Not that im a nerd or something, i just don't like to be home. Home... if thats a proper word to use for this annoying place. This place is a reminder of how much I've changed through the years. I hardly remember those days when people used to chear up whenever they saw me. Right now no one knows i exist. Not that im complaining though! Im better of this way. I don't need anyone nor do anyone need me.

I wish there was a way so i could stay at school. No one would notice if i don't go home but i have no reason to stay at school or anywhere to go after it. Maybe i could cause some trouble to get detention. But i don't know how! I mean im used to be ignored by others i never made myself noticed at school, like Ever! But today is not like other days. I feel so low and going home won't help at all. Going home to a mom who barely ever cares or a sister who hates me to death just because im gay. No! Not today. I rather sit on street corners if i have to!

The only way i know to get myself in detention is to pick up a fight with someone. Well thats easy. The only thing i have to do is to get in the way of our school bullies. Tomlinson, Malik and Clifford. They would probebly beat the crap out of me but i don't care. Its not like i don't hurt myself every day! Nothing can hurt me more than i hurt myself.

School bell rang for lunch time. Ok nows the time. I only have to find them. The rest is their johb to do. The good thing about being a loner is that i never got bullied at high school. One of the things i learned at middle school was that i should avoid people if i don't want to get hurt.

I spoted tomlinson at the teria. Standing there all too high with himself like he was the king of school. To everyone he kinda was. The hottes and most popular guy and the captain of football team. All the girls would throw themselves at his feet but he never had a proper girlfriend. Maybe he thought he was too cool for those girls. Such a cockhead!

I walked my way to him. I was only a few steps away from him when i realized his shorter than me. Im not too tall for my age but it was funny to think about that the most popular guy in the school is a shorty!

I kept my cool as i walked passed him hitting my shoulder against his walking just as calmly on my own way when i heard what i was waiting for  
"Oy what the fuck?" He yelled obviously pissed with my move. His tone was loud enough to make everyone stop what they were doing and look at us. I turned around and looked at him with a cold expression unsure of what should i say. I was just trying to piss him off which was working  
"Who the hell u think u are u little freak?" He spoke out again this time a bit more pissed "comparing to you i don't see myself so little!" I said as cold as i could. My answer made a few girls giggle wich was good enough to drive him mad as hell. It was obvious that he was trying his best to remain calm.  
"What did you just say to me?" He said through his teeth and surprised eyes. He clearly didn't think someone would talk back to him like that one day!  
"I think i just called you a shorty. What? Do you prefer dworf better?" My answer had a fair effect on driving him mad like hell, but what was the final strike, was that most of the people who were there started laughing their asses off.

Here it comes what i was waiting for. The first punch came strongly straight to my nose made me lose my balance and crash to the ground.Damn he was so strong. Everyone gathered around us in a circule yelling "fight fight fight" all at once waiting for us to beat the shit out of eachother.

Pov louis:  
What the hell!? Where the hell did he come from so suddenly? Who the fuck did he think he was? I don't remember seeing him at school. Was he even from here? A little weird boy looking taller than me but his face looked so young with his thick eyeliner around his bright colored eyes looking so damn pethatic! He was in fact a weirdo.

He was still lying on the ground from the first puch he got. What a wimp! He really thought he could make a joke of me in front of everyone and just walk away? No one could mock my height! NO ONE!

After a few seconds he got up wiping the blood under his nose. "you gonna fuck off or you want more? " i said to him waiting for a reaction. But i got something i really didn't expect! Before i could defense myself i got a strong punch down to my jaw. That was the moment i lost it and attacked him with all of my sainity throwen away. This kid had it coming.

I hadn't got in a fight like this for a long time. The boy was strong and surely there was something off about him. It was like he actually wanted to make a fight. Thinking of this made me so much angrier than i already was.

"What on earth is going on here? " we heard the angry loud voice of mr cowel our principl. Me and the boy let go of eachother and stood a few steps away from eachother but i think we both knew what was about to happen. Mr cowel looked so angry, oh crap, detention again. I swear to god im gonna kill this little freak!  
"Styles? I can't believe what im seeing. I honestly expected everyone else but you!" Styles? So he was from this school! A freshmen! My blood was boiling in my vains i could hardly remain calm. Non of us said anything while mr cowel looked at us with surprised eyes. "Both of you in my office. Now, and you all go back to your classes instedly"

Today couldn't get any worst first my asshole stepdad now then this styles freak and now cowel! I strongly believe god hates me to death. And i mean it literally!

We got in mr cowels office in salient. The boy looked annoyingly calm it took all my self control not to hit him again. I should just control myself and take whatever there is to come  
"Ok mr styles explain what happened" ok really? Forget about control shit, i burst out "mr cowel the freak walked on to me hitting his shoulder against mine being all cocky. He started the fight i had nothing to do with him he started it" i knew what his answer gonna be but i didn't care i was just so pissed "language mr tomlinson!, and i believe i said mr styles. Is there something wrong with your hearing? " i sighed and decided to shut up and wait for the bitch to talk.  
"Im sorry mr cowel but his right it was my fault" he said with his annoying cold expression but the most shocking part was that he didn't defend himself.  
"Mr you took my by surprise today. I never thought i see you in a situation like this. Mr Tomlinson you however have an unforgetable history with fighting. You promised nothing like this would ever happen and you said u could control yourself " mr cowels expression was just as calm as the styles guy which made me give up on my defensive mood and try to be calm "yea yea im the bad guy" i said rolling my eyes. cowel just sighed and looked at both of us for a few seconds ""fortunately the fight wasn't that big to get your families involved but for your punishment i give you both a month of detention 3hours after school " what? A month? That was so unfair "but i..." "no buts mr Tomlinson you had it coming. Now go back to your classes"

This isn't going to end like this. This little boy just caused me a month long detention. His not getting away with it. I am Louis tomlinson and i will surely make him pay


	2. hate is just a word!

Pov louis:  
detention hour was pure torture. It was like time was frozen and it wasn't even passing a minute. It was only me and the weirdo in the class with our math teacher. According to him, the kids name was harry. He was a saint to everyone since who ever would hear, that he got in to a fight with me, would be like "what?!? Are you serious? But why?" Even my own best friend zayn was surprised about it. How come everyone knew him but me? Even michael my other friend said he had came a cross him a few times before, but he was to drowned in his own world to mess with anyone. But why did he mess with me today? What was his problem? Even during detention he didn't even look up from his paper works! Not even once! Whatever was wrong with him i don't care. Im just waiting for this never ending torture to end so i could teach him a lesson outside the school without getting myself into trouble.

Pov harry:  
i was trying my best to concentrate on the papers our teacher gave us to work on. I hate math. I never understood why we had to learn such bullshit!

Insted of these craps they should teach kids to don't judge others, or don't hurt them when you have no idea who they are. I suffered from these stupidities in other kids when i was younger. The memories of my early life were still hunting me down at nights. How everyone even my own sister start hating me when they found out about my sexuality. I never understood why! I wasn't hurting them by just being myself why did they had to hurt me that much?

Right now this silent wasn't helping at all. I thought staying at school would help, but this silence was killing me, it would allow the voices in my head to get loud, telling me that maybe i deserved it all. Telling me that i will never find peace.

No one could see how lonely i was. How much i needed someone to care for me. But having friends and thinking that they care about me was the first thing that hurted me. The truth is people dont care for otheres, or at least they just can't care for me!

I wish i hadn't told anyone about my sexuality. I mean what did i get out of it? Loneliness! Every one start hating me because of it. I felt like a sick person back in middle school. And here i could see Tomlinsons friends hurt gay people physically every single day. so the guy sitting in a classroom with me was no better than all those assholes, tho i don't remember seeing him in such situation before. 

Detention was a a bad idea, at least for today. i was stucked in a small suffocating room that made me feel claustrophobic, with a guy i barely knew but i truly hate! Well to be honest i hate everyone. Every human being existing around me.

The worst thing about it was that every minute felt like an hour. The time was frozen and it was killing me. I wish it would end sooner so i could so i could calm myself down. in the only way i knew it would work...

pov louis:  
detention time was finally over. It didn't even take a second for harry to leave after the teacher announced it, which was a very odd move.the boy was the main definition of the word "odd"! Maybe he was on drugs or something!! He were nervously shaking his leg and bighting his nails the whole time, and now he just flew away out of the class room. 

I was planning to follow, him but he left so fast I had to run out to chatch up with him. He was walking so damn fast like he had somewhere important to be.and he had his earphones on so he didn't even notice me, running after him! Well unfortunate for him he had to attend to whatever event he was running to with a broken nose and bruised face.

I really wanted to know why he started the fight so suddenly. I haven't even seen him before. Maybe he did it out of boredom. Or maybe he wanted to get out of his shell, trying to look cool. Oh ill show him how cool it is.

Outside the school he didn't seem like he had anywhere to go. I was only waiting to get as far away as possible from school so i could make my move. I was waiting for the right moment, but unlucky for me, he turned his way to the park that was near our school! Shit! Seriously?

I was about to give up and leave it for another day, but i saw him rushing to the mans room. Good! Very good!  
I looked around to make sure no one would notice i was following him, which took me a few minutes to be sure completely.

I kiked the door open which was my dumbest move so far, i didn't even think if anyone else was there, but gladly there wasn't. Only harry.   
He shockingly pulled down his sleeve and looked at me with clear horror in his eyes. Another odd move. His eyes were red and puffy, which made me think for just a second that he was doing drugs, but his face was wet with tears like he were crying the whole time, which was probably what he have done. And also there was a few drops of blood on the sink and a blood stained razor blade...  
Holly shit!. What the hell was he doing? All my anger turned to pure shock. I had no idea what should i do or say, but sure as hell i wasnt going to hit him now . The guy was too broken himself, it takes a lot of pain to make someone selfharm, believe me i've been there, put me through hell to get over it, but seeing someone doing it was just awful. My anger turned to shock at first, but now i felt a bit guilty for wanting to hurt him, all his earlier actions felt understandable even if logically it wasn't.

He finally looked away and wiped his face "what do you want? You're here to finnish what happened at school? Go ahead then" He said with a bitter tone. I honestly didnt know what to say but i didn't want him to think i took pitty on him. I just said a simple "no" waiting for him to talk again which i didnt have to wait for long until he chuckled "hell yea you were!! You wanted going to kik my ass for what i did, you feel sorry for me now tomlinson? Are you even capable of that? " he sounded so pissed yet so broken. "I just wanted to know why you did it!" I lied not even sure why i had to! He chuckled again surely didn't believe me "i did it because i felt like it! Now what? " he was pissing me off again! What was wrong with this kid? I tried my best to keep calm "ok yea i want to beat the shit o out of you, but now i dont want to cause i can clearly see you're a freak" i could totally feel, that those words had a fair effect on him. His eyes got teared up again. He pulled up his sleeve looking directly in my eyes "you know why i do this? You call me a freak because of it, but but do you have any idea what it takes for someone get this far? People like you made me do this over and over again until i got addicted to it, they hurted me emotionally and physically so bad i hade to take it out on my own body! Now go ahead and tell everyone at school that someone they didn't even notice his existence, is a freak and has problems, see if anyone cares!!!" he spat out every word with such anger and hatred that made me feel whatever he was feeling, I could relate to him at this point, but i didn't want to show it, i just wanted to keep my cool "don't trigger me styles! you know i can do that easily!"   
"No ones stoping you, just leave me the hell alone, yes you're right, im a bloody freak, i even freak myself out!" he said bitterly and walked passed me hitting his shoulder against mine like he did at school, but it didn't annoy me like last time,i was just standing there with my mouth hanged open thinking what the hell just happened? Sweet lord why did i feel this terrible?

The guilt was eating me inside, i had no idea what the hell should i do about it! I followed him to hit him for messing with me but now all i can think about is how right he was! About everything!   
I understand out of all people, my own history isn't so different after all...


	3. behind the truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for delay, i had some problems i couldn't update sooner, won't happen again. Thank u for reading. Xx

Flash back louis:  
it was another horrible day for louis. He didn't want to go to school but he didn't had any other place to go, and no reason to ditch it.

School was his worst nightmare, he didn't had any friends because everyone hated him. They would use "she/her" when they wanted to mention him and they even made a nickname for him. Everyone called him "little lou" which made him feel like shit. Just because he was a bit shorter than others and cared about his school works it was easy for others to use him for their own sick way of having fun! He lost the count of how many times they pushed him against the lockers, and broke his glasses.

Thankfully this was the final year of middle school only a few weeks and he would be free. But the thing about time is, when you're badly waiting for something to end, its slowes down to freezing point, and everything gets harder to handle,!! 

He was drowned in this thoughts until he felt hitting something. Someone' to be exact. A tall big guy who were talking to a girl against the lockers, and not just any big guy, bradly! The biggest bully of the entire school, the main person who started all of louis suffering!. All of louis books were dropped on the ground due to the sudden crash, also made bradly hit who he was talking to spoiling all of his juice on her shirt.   
Louis tried to pick up his books to leave the place ASAP even though he knew it wouldn't be the case. Bradly turned around with the scariest frown Louis have ever seen. The girl was whining about her ruined shirt which was only making bradly get angrier.   
"little lou!! ! Where is your damned head?look what you done!" Louis was so scared, too scared for his own good. He wanted to apologize even though he knew it wouldn't make any difference. Bradly spoke out again a bit louder this time "whats wrong whith you ha?"  
louis got up holding his books so tightly out of fear. "I.. im.. im so sorry" he stuttered with a low voice hardly audible. The guy chuckled sarcastically "sorry yea?! whas obviously too pissed for talking so without wasting no more time he shoved him against the lockers as hard as he could and gave him a hard strong punch to the nose that made him fall down to the floor again, with a bloody nose and his glasses fell off of his face.   
School bell rang and the halls got empty from kids. Only Louis still on the ground with an unbearable pain. Not his nose though! He was used to this. Used to all the physical pain bigger guys used to cause him. The pain was in his heart. His nose were bleeding hard but he didn't care. He only cared about the tears falling off his face. He was sick of crying but he couldn't help it. He hated everyone for pitting him through this. He hated himself for being so weak to defend himself against them. This had to end some way! He hated himself so damn much. He hated himself enough to want to end his life. But that would only prove how weak and petathic he actually is. No! He couldn't let this happen. He would not allow this to happen, no matter how hard it would be, things like this couldn't happen to him anymore!

End of flashback.

I didn't know how long i were walking pointlessly in the streets. Remembering old memories made me lose the track of time. It was completely dark. Surely my sisters were waiting for me at home. Those little Angeles were the only reasons i could bare that house. We weren't from the same father but i love them dearly. Also they were the only girls i could stand these days! There was a lot of pretty girls who wanted to be with me, but they were all the same! No self respect or pride! But my sisters are strong girls. And they are so beautiful to make anyone fall for them. My four sisters were the only ones i still care about. They were the only ones who would make me still feel things. No one else deserved it. Not a single person!

POV harry:  
hours pass swiftly. I was staring blankly at the wall in front of me. Pointlessly sitting in my room with the lights of making it so dark. Thats how it always have been. Not that i cared! I hardly care about anything anymore. There wasn't anything to make me care anymore. No one would care if i cared anyway! Not even my mom. The one who should care no matter what, never cared the first place! Funny how a single fact about who i am made me go from happy bright little boy to this, misrable dark teenager!   
My scars have stopped bleeding. I had a few more after that arrogant boy apeared out of the blue. Funny, how he wished to get revenge for only making him get detention! If i wanted to get revenge for every real pain I've been through id probebly have a loooong long list of people who drove me to this mad situation. The first one would be my former best friend. For leaving me alone so easily when he found out i was gay, for making up fake stories about me, for making everyone hate me the first place, for fraking out like he just saw a two headed dragon when i told him i had a stupid childish crush on him. Yes! The stupid little harry styles had a fuckin crush on his best friend! And harry styles were stupid enough to think the only thing that could go wrong was to be rejected!

There was no point in sitting and thinking how stupid i used to be anymore. Its probebly passed midnight. I should get some sleep. Thats how i live now. When i should sleep, i sleep. When i should eat, i eat. When i should go out, i go out even though i have nowhere to go. I just do things because i should do them.   
So i just lay back on my bed and block out every other thoughts. It just takes me closing my eyes to fall in a deep dreamless sleep without even trying.

flashback harry:  
"Gem can i talk to you?" Harry asked nervously not taking his eyes off of his older sister. She seemed busy with her school works but she didn't want to turn him down "harry would you please make it quick? I have homework to do!" Harry huffed nodding in understanding way. "I just want to tell you something i recently learned about myself. But we can talk later if you're busy " He said with the lowest voice he could. gemma sighed and closed her notebook "ok little brother, im listening " harry smiled and sat on the chair beside his sister "well i really don't know how it happened but... " Gemma just nodded waiting for him to continue. "Gem i think im gay!!" That made gemmas eyes go wide with some expression harry couldn't really read. It frightened harry so much. Didn't take long for him to know he had every right to be   
"what? " she asked coldly watching harry get pale out of fear. She really didn't saw this coming. His baby brother? Gay? Harry wanted to speak out again but she didn't let him "no harry, your not! You cant be! " harry shaked his head "no gem i clearly know i like boys! " gemmas expression were keep changing from shocked to cold and from cold to angry "no harry your not! Your mistaking, im sure you are, gay... Omg i get even disgusted by saying it out loud, gosh harry, no!" gemma said with angery and shoked tone, harry didn't know what to do or what to say, tears formed in his eyes "but gem... I..." gemma shook his head making him stoo talking "i can't have a gay brother! I don't have a GAY BROTHER " she screamed making harry go pale like a corps and his tears fall down on his cheeks, "gemma please just listen to me" said harry desperately, trying to get his sister to calm down, but it wasn't working at all. "no harry get the fuck out of my room! " He didn't expect this, "gem..." he tried again, but she didn't let him Finnish "you heard me get out NOW " she screamed leaving him no choice but to leave, teared eyes and a broken heart! His own sister rejected him, but he didn't know, it was the bigenning if every single rejections...


	4. i become so numb,i cant feel you there...

POV Louis :  
buzz buzz' my phone went of nonstop, over and over and over... What the hell? Who could it be this early in the morning? I was losing my temper  
Buzz buzz' "aah shut up!" I pointlessly yelled at my phone waiting for it to stop vibrating. And it did, but not for long!  
Buzz buzz' it seemed who ever it was wouldn't stop calling until i answer.  
"What?" I answered without even looking to see who it is.  
"Lou? I've been calling for an hour now, where the hell were you??" zayn said with a pissed tone. What the hell? Why was he so pissed? it was too early to be up. Or maybe not! "Where did you expect me to be? I was sleep. What do you want?" Zayn huffed "its almost noon Louis wake the hell up! I need you"  
"Alright im up! What do you need me for?" I asked as grumpy as i could. I was really tired since my little sisters had scape their room after their bed time, and i, being the responsible big brother tried to get them to sleep again, but failed since i fell in their cuteness trap! until after midnight when both girls actually passed out on my bed.  
"Well, just come over and we talk alright?" Zayn said a bit shy this time which made me guess what was up. He probably wanted to ask his dream girl out again. Not so dreamy tho, if you ask me! She was the schools meam girl with a face of an angel!. She was Michaels girlfriends best friend, and she was the meanest she could be when it came to zayn!   
"Its about perrie again, isn't it?" I asked sarcastically knowing he'd be a bit embarrassed. But i don't care, he had it coming. he were chasing after her since we were freshmen and this was starting to get annoying. Somehow he believed she was his other half! Petathic! Theres no such thing as "other half"  
"Well she actually gave me a chance!!" Said zayn not answering my sarcasm which it was a surprise!.   
This was a big shock! How? I swear that girl is the compelet definition of lunatic! All these times the only thing she did was pulling and pushing, now that we are close to the end of high school she agreed to go out with zayn! Weird as fuck!  
"Lou you still there?" Zayn spoke out again after not getting any response. "Yea yea i was just going through my moments of wonder how crazy your crush is!" "Yea whatever, you can have that moments in your car while your driving to my house, Michael is here too, don't take it long" and with that he just hang up the phone giving me no choice but to get up and get dressed.

If i wasn't so curious to know how she finally said the glorious yes, I'd just ignor zayn and go back to sleep. After four years zayn had a chance. This should be really big to him. And that was the only reason i left my poor dear bed alone to be there for zayn!

After informing my mom and sisters of where i was going i got to know that they won't be home when i get back. For whatever reason i was the last to know that they all are going to my moms husbands family for the weekend. Not that i cared tho, it was Always my family's thing to not be home at weekends, they always had somewhere to go, a friend to meet, a family to be with, or a family vacation! I used to be a part of it till three years ago, but i just snapped one day and said i didn't want to be in their fun outings which was nothing but bordom to me, and the only ones who had problem with my decision were my sisters ,but they got used to it after a while, and the thing is, i hated mark and his family to death. A group of arrogant tossers! So not knowing where they were going wasn't a big deal. 

So i just got in my car and drove to zayns house. Things seemed much more interesting there anyway. And the best part about it, i had the house to myself. This was the only benefit of being the only child from another father!

When i arrived at zayns i saw him and Michael sitting on the porch outside the house, smoking cigarettes which was really a surprise ! Zayns parents would kill them both if they saw!  
"Hey guys" i called out when i got out of the car getting their attention.  
"Hey lou" "hi mate" they both answered at the same time. "Zayn aren't your parents home? Why are you smoking here?" I asked sitting down next to them on the stairs.  
"No.. they went to my aunts house this Moring, i made an excuse to stay home" said zayn droping his finished cigarette and lighting another one offering one to me but i passed. Im not much of a smoker, i do smoke sometimes but i wasn't in the mood of it now.  
Michael chuckled "yea his excuse were being love sick!! ", "shut up Blondie, its not like your any better!!" Said zayn with an annoyed expression hitting him at the back of his head.  
These two were worst than my younger sisters! Always arguing, but not spending a minute away from each other, which was funny and annoying at the same time.  
"Zayn speak up! How did she finally said yes to you? " i asked not being able to wait another minute to know the story. Zayn took a deep breath and looked at us before he finally start talking"if you laugh at me i swear ..." "you little idiot, you made me wait till louis comes, now his hear speak for gods sake" Michael interrupted him ,losing patients. Zayn took another deep breath "well... after Michael left yesterday i saw her at the parking lot talking to her friends, she were smiling so wide and it seemed like she was on her good side. So i dared and got close to her and greeted" damn, it was too hard to control my laughter! The big Bradford bad boy was scared of a blond chik!! Sometimes i wonder how his brain works!! Looking at Michael i could see that he was trying not to laugh as well, since he looked red and his eyes were teared up.  
"She smiled at me so warm and friendly for the second time this year. And before i say anything else she said she's hanging out with her friends Saturday night and shed be glad to see me and my friends too" wow! I was starting at him with wide eyes, but Michael just lost control burst out laughing. Zayn hitted him again to make him stop "damn you Clifford! what are you laughing at?? It's not that funny!!" Michael breathlessly looked at zayn "it.. it actually is.. " he was right. This was hilarious! "I thought she agreed to go out with you know ... You?!!! Hanging out? Really zayn?" I said not able to hide my shocked expression. "This is a good start actually!!" Zayn tried to shake of our mockings "no its not!! She's playing you again !!" i said trying to talk some sense in to him, but he just shrugged "whatever! just come with me tonight alright!!" Michael just shook his head "yea yea!! Whatever you want man" and i only gave him a small laughter and an assuring nod.  
Poor zayn. He was too happy about it. All we had to do was to be good fellas and stick to his side for the night.

The rest of the day spent out in smoking and playing cards to pass the time. Michael would mock zayn whenever he got the chance and all i would do was to just play along with him. We were the worst friends anyone could ever ask for! But we were each others worst best friends.

POV harry :  
I hadn't left my room since yesterday. My mom only came in a few times to bring me food, and nag about why i dong leave my room at all. I had the urge to yell 'it's not like anyone cares!! ' but i didnt even feel like yelling. I was just so numb. The whole time i just layed there saying nothing which was the only thing that worked for making her leave me alone.

i checked the time, 7:25 pm. This is getting boring. i had nothing to do or nowhere to go. I hate weekends. I can't stand staying home for long. Drives me insane. The only choice i had was to go for a walk like always. So thats what i do...

I step out of the house with my earphones on, not even bothering to inform my mom that im leaving the house. I shove my hands in my pockets to protect them from the cold weather ,and let my feet take me wherever they want. Streets are crowded. I hate crowd! But i can't scape it. Its always like this on Saturday nights and all i can do is to walk and walk and walk until i get tired and go back home.

I drown myself in the music playing in my ears. The song was exactly how i felt right now. Numb. I can't feel anything or anyone which usually happens after i cut. It's like i let out anything i feel with blood. This is the only good thing about it. But after a while it starts to hurt again.

The park i usually go to, is the only place that is calm and quite no matter what! Thats why its my favorite place in the whole town. Its even calmer this time of the day because everyone clearly have better things to do than coming to a place so Dark, cold and quite.  
I sit down on a bench closing my eyes and block my mind. I don't want to think about anything at all. I just wanna enjoy the calmness as much as i can.

I don't know how long was i sitting here. Maybe i fell sleep. But unfortunately something pulls me back to reality. I hear someone use my name in a sentence.  
"Is that styles?" I open my eyes to see a group of people standing a few meters away from me. Four girls and three boys. Looking close i think i know them. They are the seniors from our school. And the tomlinson group ! Perfect !

I get up to leave before causing any trouble before one of them calls out "hey styles!!" I turned around to see the blond guy standing behind me. How the fuck did he get to me so fast?  
"What?" I asked coldly waiting for him to speak up again.  
"you got famous ! Everyone are talking about how you just came out and started a fight with louis!" He were trying to look scary but no one could scare me. "good for them , and!?!" His eyes widened up "huh! This kid is funny! No one can talk to me like that" I was trying to keep up, with my cold expression " but i just did! Now what? Should i be scared of you?" I pissed him of. It was clear in his face . No surprise! I piss everybody off, it was my thing nowcold answers and sharp words! Worked every time. He Took another step toward me looking straight to my eyes "listen kid, im a lot stronger than i look , whatch your damn mouth!" I chuckled "oh are you ? Because everyone say the same thing about the little guy!" My sarcasm caused me a hard punch to the nose, he was right , he was damn so strong . The punch was too hard that knocked me down to the ground making me hit my head against the bench i was sitting on before trying to run away.  
And the rest is a phase ...

pov louis:  
It turned out to be an actual fun day! We went to perries favourite cafe, and talked a lot about all the things that happened in the passed four years, they were a lot more friendlier than they looked at school! And after that we just pointlessly wondered around in the streets and talked And joked and laughed. I was having a great time, until i found out that we made our way to the park i saw harry last! I didn't want to ruin things for myself so i just distracted myself in talking to my friends .  
i was talking to perries friend jesy about ghosts when i heard michael asking "is that styles?" Oh shit no! I think that kid lives here or something ! And as much as i know Michael he wouldn't let go of harry after his fight with me. He walked his way to him not caring about jade, his girlfriend, keep caling him asking him not to make troubles. I wanted to make him stop too, but i just didn't. I only stood there amd watched!  
It seemed like they were only talking, until i saw michael knocking the kid down with a punch.

I couldn't just stand there anymore. I had to make him stop. I ran to them yelling "michael let go of him" but when i got there i had the biggest panic of my entire life! Harry were lying still on the ground with michael shockingly standing above him. Holly shit "what the fuck did you do???" I yelled sitting down to check his puls. Oh thank lord! He was alive. Michael looked pale and scared "i just punched him!!" He said with a shaking voice "his not dead is he?" I could tell he was minutes away from a heart attack. "No you asshole. Thankfully his not dead! Now shut the fuck up and help me take him to my car!" He nodded and lift harrys whole body up.

Everyone else were now here to see what happened. all of them talking at once "what the hell michael i told you not to go" jade screamed, "omg louis is he dead? " Zayn called out scared, "what the fuck?" Perries other friend, Leigh ann, screamed covering her mouth. Jesy got closer to look at harry ,and perrie just stood there in shock. "Michael do what i told you, take him to my car, now,. No guys his alive, just knocked out. Ill take him to my house and you guys just pretend nothing happened." I said receiving only nods from their pale faces, then i ran after michael to my car.

Michael layed him down in the back sit and looked at me with worried eyes. I could hit the shit out of him right now. The asshole couldn't stay out of trouble only for one fuckin day! But i took pitty on him seeing how scared he was. "Look, his alright. He just hitted his head thats all. Don't worry go back to your girlfriend , ill take care of it" he just nodded and ran off to them leaving me alone with an unconscious boy at the backsit of my car...


	5. slow,like a breeze

POV louis:  
the ride back home was hell. I was worried my ass off!!. I still don't understand how things happened so quickly. One minute i was arguing with perries friend jesy about supernatural world and the next i was taking the unconscious body of the boy who i met yesterday to my house. This was the second time I'd thank god for having the house to myself on weekens

We all would be damned if he was dead. Thankfully he didn't hit his head that hard. But there was still other terrible things that could happen. What if he had some serious injuries? Like internal bleeding?! Or what if he had hit his temple and currently be in coma? But come on it couldn't be that bad! He was just knocked out and he'll probably wake up soon. Or i hope he does...

Finally i arrived home. I held him up like a baby and carried him inside. Unlike his oversize body he wasn't so heavy. So i easily carried him up to my bedroom and layed him down on my bed. Taking a deep breath i looked down at his face. He looked so young and innocent. Soft brown curls surrounded his pale unmoving face. There was a lot of blood under his nose and on his chin. Poor guy! Michael hited him so hard. That brought the worrying thoughts back up! What if he needed medical helps!?   
Ok fuck it, if he didn't wake up in the next one hour ill take him to hospital.   
For now all i can do is to sit beside him and wait.

It was flustrating. Looking at the clock every five minutes waiting for something that has only fifty present chance of happening. And everytime i checked the time i panicked even more. So many "what if"s flying in my mind driving me insane   
Until...

POV harry:  
Everything hurts so bad. My head, my nose, my chest, my throat. Last thing i can recall is that i was minding my own business until the weird looking guy, clifford, came to my way and punched me. But i didn't expect to feel anything else but the cold hard ground of the park i was in. Maybe someone brought me home, or hospital . But this bet felt aot more comfortable than hospital beds, and the sheets didn't feel like my bed...

i tried to open my eyes, but it just hurt so much. I gave it more time and tried again. "Harry?" I heard someone call me but his voice wasn't clear enough. Like it was coming out from under water.   
I was trying to gain consciousness, hardly opened my eyes and blinkes a few times. "Harry?" It was more clear and a bit familiar this time.   
I finally succeeded to open my eyes fully, and the first thing i did was to take a look at the room i was in. It wasn't anywhere i could recognize. I wanted to get up but two strong hand stopped me and made me lay back down. Unfortunately i did recognize the guy! But what the hell am i doing with him? I might have scared the hell out of him when i passed out.

"Harry? You awake?" I was getting tired of hering my name coming out of his mouth. "Uh shut up please!! Stop calling my stupid name! And let go of me!!" I didn't mean for it to sound this harsh but it was really annoying. he seemed like he got shocked by my angry tone. He unsurely took his hands off of me so i could sit up. But i had this shitty dizzy feeling that was killing me. I knew for sure i couldn't get up and leave now.

"How did i end up here?" I asked with a calmer expression. he chuckled in surprise "you passed out and i brought you here! Are you ok?" i rolled my eyes " yea like you care!! And thank you mr obvious!! I mean why?? I got punched because your lion friend did what you felt sorry to do so!!" I felt better and better by the time passing which was the reason i were talking with anger hatered. "If he knew what i know he would probably feel sorry too!! Now talk you arrogant little tosser!! Are you ok or not?" He got angry with my sarcastic answer , it wasn't my fault ! The shit was pissing me off. Knocking me down and breaking my nose wasn't enough? I could feel the annoying dried blood under my nose and it still hurt so damn bad, also my head which i cant remember where did i hit it. This little big guy had no right to mess with me now. "You cockhead assholes are all the same." i said trying to stand up but i nearly fell down about to smash my face to the nightstand, but before that happens louis held me and sat me back down on the bed. "Wow easy! You can't go anywhere now! Your staying here till tomorrow!" His expression were pointlessly caring! Well yea he did care, but only about himself, he just didn't want to get in trouble for this. "Yea like that would ever happen!! Look don't worry i won't put you or your flame haired friend in amy trouble just let me go" I said rolling my eyes. Another stupid nerve cracking chuckle. I swear if he does that one more time ill make up for the punch i got. "Look harry, i know enough by now to be compeletly sure you'll be stupid enough to fight with me on this, but leaving here is not an option right now, you can't even walk without falling face down! And besodes as much as im not a big fan of you i am responsible for what happened and i want to make sure your ok. So its either the easy way, which is you will be a good boy and sit here, or the hard way which is a bit nasty!!" My blood was boiling to explosion point! If i wasnt so dizzy I'd totally take his empty head of! But all i could do was to sit here until i get better. If he wanted to fight me i didn't stand a chance against him like this.so I just sat there not saying a single word which made him wear a devilish annoying smile. "The easy way than. Good boy!!" it was too hard to fight my burning desire to kill him, but I didn't say anything else. He didn't either, which was the only good thing abou the whole night.

The comfortable silent start turning annoyingly uncomfortable! I didn't want to be there but i couldn't leave. I hardly could manage to get myself to the bathroom To clean up my face, refusing any help from louis even though i needed help a lot. he was trying to communicate but his poor attempts were only making me angry. Wasn't he the big bad louis tomlinson who made every freshmen shiver and all the girls bow down? Couldn't he just shut up and let me be at ease for this damned night that i had to stay with him?

His final try was when i was layin on the couch after i finally convinced him that i don't want to stay in his own room or any other room. He came down and sat beside me. "Harry?" He called with a low voice thinking i was sleep.

POV louis :  
i have no fuckin idea why i keep trying to talk to this boy! His such a freak, he didn't eat, he doesn't want to stay in my room or any room in this house, he don't want any help, GOD why is he so damn hard to communicate with?? I think his odd behaviors is the reason i want to figure him out. Everything about him awakes the curiosity in me.

"Harry?" I call out in low voice in case he was sleep. He opens his eyes not answering only looking at me waiting for me to talk. "Hey look im sorry, you know about what happened tonight!" He just rolled his eyes and closed them again. If he wasn't already so fucked I would totally smash his head against the wall! "Damn it harry why are you like this? Whats your problem with me?" I almost yelled so damn furious with his sassy and sarcastic actions!   
He sat up looking straight to my eyes. Good sighn, he wants to say something! "Look. The reason i hate you is obvious. You are a bully and i hate bullies. But i really don't understand why you want to talk to me, even thought you hate me too!! I get it, your worried ,but i ain't going to die! I even feel so much better now, so don't act like you care" I nod in understanding motion. But he was wrong. He didn't know me at all! "I don't hate you! You pissed me off for your own reasons. I only didn't want you to get away with it since what you did was so unreasonably unlogical!" He chuckled "but you sent your fire head friend after me" "i had nothing to do with what michael did tonight, i swear!" I answered immediately right after he finnished, which made him losen up his tention a bit. "Will you tell me why you started all that at lunch time?" I asked after i saw he wasn't going to say anything else. He sighed and looked down "i needed a reason to stay at school and detention was the only way i knew! Sorry though i didn't want to put anyone else in trouble it just happened! Good enough now?" Wow! His answer was just so unexpected! Well there was something actually wrong. Too wrong to make him cut. I wanted to ask what that was but i didn't want to cross my limits.

"I guess we are even now!" He said laying back down. I didn't know what else should i say. He was right. We're even. A bit more than we should to be honest.

POV harry :  
I don't know why he was trying to talk to me, or show me he doesn't hate me, but his stubbornness was funny. He didn't ask anything else after that thankfully. But he said something that made me want to ask questions.

"Im not a bully harry. Im just a bullied kid who doesn't want to experience those awful times again." He sighed and got up from the couch. "Ok harry. If you don't want to talk. We should go to sleep then. Goodnight. If you need anything, im upstairs" with that he was off to his bedroom leaving me with a billion unasked questions. This was unfair! He got his answers, but left me with my questions! I may get the chance to ask them tomorrow. For now sleeping sounds like a pretty good idea. Maybe it could make the banging in my head go away. I will surely get my answers tomorrow.  
At least i hope i do...


	6. burning like fire

POV harry:  
i didn't expect to wake up like this but hearing someone yelling in pain scared the living shit out of me. I got up to see what the hell happened. "Shit. Shit. Shit" i heard louis yelling again from the kitchen, so i ran there. I saw louis having his hand burned, and a lot of smoke coming from the stove.  
"What the hell?" I called making him shockingly turn around. "Harry, fuck... You scared the hell out of me!"  
"Well so did you! What happened?"  
"I wanted to make an omelet but then it start burning and i burned my hand and im trying to cool it down with water but it doesn't work at all!"  
I chuckled at his clumsiness. "Well try some toothpaste. It works better! And please get out if kitchen before setting this house on fire!. I'll make the omelet!" I tried not to be grumpy so i could get the answers i were craving for. I couldn't stop thinking about it. There was no way i could even think that one day this guy were getting bullied! Like never in a million years!

He did what i told him to do with the burning on his hand and left the kitchen like he was running for his life. Looks like he was awful at cooking. To be honest he didn't seem mean at all. He was rather friendly. Which is really weird. But i knew for the fact that it was only because he didn't want to get in trouble about what happened to me. I don't remember him being friendly to anyone at school. He was a bully and bullies aren't capable of being nice.

I made the omelet and put it on the counter. And called louis. He came back immediately with a hige smile on his face. "Oh god harry thank you very much! I hate cooking. And this smells really good." I was only staring at him the whole time. He were acting like we are long term friends and it was the most annoying weird thing I've ever faced. He took his first bite and i saw his eyes go wide. "This is really good! Better than my moms actually!" I smirked sitting down beside him playing with my own dish. I don't usually eat breakfast but i haven't ate anything yesterday and i was starving. But i still didn't had much appetite.

"So um... you said something last night that i cant stop thinking about!" I finally said when the sound of louis fast eating was starting to get on my nerves. He took another big bite and looked at me "hm?" I think this ment 'go on'!! so i did  
"Honestly, i don't really think you ever been bullied! So i want to ask you to explain a bit about what you said!" I desided to be straight forward. There was no point in explaining unimportant things. I could tell my words had effected him in a sad way!. Just like the first time i talked to him all of his emotions were readable. He swallowed his mouthful but didn't look up from his plate.  
"Harry. You know nothing about me!" His tone was much different from what i heard before i ask this. He turned from compeletly chearful to obviously upset. "I know what i saw!" I carefully said not wanting to sound arrogant. He looked at me with dead eyes and a cold expression "and what is it that you saw?" I returned the look with the same expression "i saw that everyone in school are scared of you. The lower classes turn their way not to come a cross you and your same ages respect you like your the boss. Even your Wilde ass besties are somehow afraid of you! Or its some kind of a weird kingdom shit going on and your their king. As you can see im only here because your friend wanted to defend you." I said every word calmly and with no obvious emotions trying not to turn this talk in to an argument. He looked away again.  
"As i said. You know nothing about me"  
"What i see is an illusion then!!"  
"I never bullied anyone i just dont let people think they can get in my way. I just make them think im strong so they don't mess with me. Everything you say is true and thats only because i turned out strong since freshmen and it wasn't easy!" He was raising his voice but i decided to stay calm  
"Aren't your friends bullies? Don't they screw kids up for no good reason? If your that strong why don't you stop them?"  
"As long as they don't do anything to me i stay out of it!"  
"Well it makes you as bad as them. So your counted as a bully!"  
"People can count me whatever they want i don't give a shit"  
"So don't say i don't know you! Your a bully like your friends"  
"You don't know shit about me styles! Im not a bully im not that asshole!"  
"But you only care about yourself!"  
"don't you ?"  
"i never hurted anyone !"  
"but you fought me because you needed to stay at school !!"  
"thats different!"  
"different how???"  
"that was only one time!!! I don't do it daily !!"  
"you know what harry? Ill let you know it all. I have nothing to lose! Yes i only care about myself because when i cared about others all i got was pain. I don't stand up for others because if i do everyone think im weak and shit starts again, because thisvis our world ! Being good is weakness to people's eyes ! Being counted as an asshole bully is the best thing I've ever been counted as! You see, im not a tall guy, i used to wear glasses and long sleeve shirts. My hair is soft and straight, can you guess what I've been through just because of how i look? They called my little lou, they used to count me as a girl! They used to force makeup on me and make walk in the halls!! I used to get beaten up so bad i couldn't walk properly. I start hating myself to death it lead me to depression, i used to cut a lot, i even wanted to end my life " at that point he teared up and pulled up his sleeve and held his hand in front of me to watch. There was a lot of scar marks so similler to mine. I felt like shit. He was right, i knew shit about him!  
He continued talking wit a hoarse voice"you see this? You know what makes someone do something like this to himself! I saw you doing it in the park that day so you know how fucked up someone must feel to calm himself down with a razor!" A tear fell down from his cheek he looked so broken. I only felt sorry about what i said, because i could relate! "So please shut the fuck up when i say you don't know anything about me" there was a lot of bitterness in his voice. I knew the feeling so well. The bitterness was so familiar. At that moment i knew what i said was so reckless and i knew for the fact that he was hurted. I didn't want this. I never thought the big bad louis tomlinson was this broken once, that he has this much emotion hidden behind his scary image.

At that point he just looked down and tried to swallow tha big lump in his throat. There was no point in staying there anymore. It was polite of him that he hadn't thrown me out yet. "Im really sorry. Your right i don't know you at all. I didn't want to hurt you or anything. I think.... Doesn't matter ,i should leave so... goodbye...i guess" i said trying to sound genuin. I didn't wait for an answer, i didn't expect one anyway. So i just walked out.

POV Louis :  
i didn't know saying all the things i felt out loud could make me this much emotional. I didn't want to look weak. Not even to harry styles. But it made me feel a bit, free now! All this time i was just the big louis to everyone , now i was able to finally tell someone about it. He obviously didn't know what he was doing whith saying all that he said. But he did break me. Remembering all that shit was so painful. Even more painful than getting beaten up at the time.

Enough with the memories. My sisters are coming home today. They need a strong brother. Not a girly boy who cries. Even then i never let any of them know , i used to make up fake stories about how did i end up with broken glasses and bruised face. They were girls ,and i was their big brither. They needed me and i should look strong to them. I never let any of them see my broken side. In fact no one outside of school knew about it. If they did they wouldn't relay on me anymore. Somethings need to stay hidden. So i won't let it show. No one needs to know. But im a human too. I need someone to listen to me! I needed to talk to someone whenever i felt low, i needed someone to care about me... But as for now, i have only Me to care about me!

Two weeks later  
POV harry:  
another monday. My most favorite day of the week , Knowing that i still have detention, means that im at school most of the day.

Since that day at louis house, he hadn't spoken a word to me and his friends didn't bother me again. Not that im complaining. It was good that the louis drama was over. Sure i felt so guilty about everything. I tried to convince mr Cowell to let louis out of detention and everything was on me but it was in vain. At detention time in class, we sat as far away from each other as possible. So everythings back to normal. Im the invisible kid again which is good. But not for long...

We had chemistry lab and we had to pick partners which to my luck i was left with the loudest girl in our class. Eleanor calder. It's like she can never stop talking. She can't shut up at all. I just hope she gets so busy with the lab works so she doesn't talk too much. I don't know if i can keep my calmness if she does!

The teacher explained what we were spose to do and we got our glasses and gloves. She stood beside me with a wide kind smile. Here we go...  
"hi harry." She said chearful and happy for no good reason. I faked a smile and nodded as her answer.  
"I never saw you talk to anyone. Why is that?" Oh shit! Just what i feared! What the hell am i spose to say? God Eleanor please just do your work and shut up "um... no reason" i said trying to concentrate on what i was doing but she was keep interrupting me  
"but there have to be a reason!"  
"There isn't! "  
"Seriously harry, there is a reason!"  
"I said there isn't!" I said a bit harshly which made her stop talking. That was a good thing. I didn't care if what i said hurted her or not. She would forget about it soon enough. But then she started talking again!  
"Why did you get in detention?" Fuck! Why these questions???  
"Look Eleanor im not a talking kind of guy ok? Lets Finnish the lab project yea?" My tone was still harsh but i tried to be polite!  
"Well i wanted to know if you talk to louis tomlinson at detention!" Huh! Well she was another admiror! No surprise. Every girl were!  
"No i don't!"  
"But why? His not as bad as you think!"  
"Do you know him?"  
She blushed and giggled"he finally asked me on a date last week when one of my senior friends introduced us, and the date went perfect so i think im his girlfriend!" She seemed really happy about it, she had every right to be! She got what every girl wanted!  
"Congratulation on your huge achivement but just would you please let us finnish this and be done with it?" I think she really did shut up this time cause she didn't even respond! Thats good. I don't like talking. And i couldn't care less about her relationship status or louis tomlinson! I just want to get the hell out of here as soon as possible!

POV Louis  
Lunch time. Finally. I was starving after the football practice. But there was something that made me wanna skip the teria and eat my lunch elsewhere! I dated Eleanor carder and only for that it made her think she can sit with us! I still have no idea why i did that! Maybe because i was tired of being alone and she was really pretty and funny, but there was still something off about it. She was perfect in every point but...  
i don't know whats wrong whith me but, no way in hell i break up with this one anytime soon!  
Zayn and michael were arguing again over something i couldn't care less about. Perrie, jade and their friends were sitting with us lately which made the whole lunch time less barable, but thankfully Eleanor ratherd sitting with her own friends!  
"So louis how did things go with the pretty hair girl you dated?" Suddenly jesy asked since she felt so friendly with me.  
"You mean Eleanor?"  
"Yea her! How was the date?"  
"Pretty well actually! We get on well!"  
"So why isn't she sitting with us?" Asked Leigh ann this time offering a kind smile which i returned "well lets not rush things, we don't even know if we want to continue dating!" Zayn laughed "yea no ones ever good enough for mr tommo!" His mocking tone was annoying in many levels "oh shut up malik the girl is perfect!" Said michael obviously having a point. "Yea i actually like her very much so piss of zayn" i agreed with michael trying to be convincing!  
After that they all went back to their annoying argues and thankfully no one asked me anything else. I didn't know what to do with it i mean i haven't had a solid relationship in ages and sure as hell Eleanor isn't my type either! Maybe if i get to know her, this ,off feeling go away, but what if it doasnt? What was wrong whith me?

After lunch, the final periods went by so fast. So did the detention hour. It's been two weeks since me and harry start ignoring eachother. Just like before this, that we didn't know eachother! Things turned back to normal, but yet still there was something ...

i opened up to him. I got emotional in front of someone i only know his name! And i knew he was broken too. I don't know if it was curiosity or the fact that i could relate with him, but i had this burning desire inside of me to know what drove him to this!  
In the pas two weeks that i tried my hardest to ignor him and don't think about him, i was still thinking about the ways that i could talk to him. Or maybe i just liked the idea if having someone i could be honest to!

When it was finally time to go home, as always harry was the first to leave the classroom.  
I finally decided to do what i wanted to do. I followed him like the last time, this time to actually talk to him. He was walking so slowly like he didn't have anywhere to go. I walkesd faster to catch up him and when i did i gently tapped on his shoulder.  
He jumped to the tuch and swiftly turned around and looked at me with shocked eyes. His reaction was funny. I chuckled "calm down i mean no harm!" I said trying to ease up the tention. He sighed "what do you want?" Like always he had no emotion on his face.  
"Mind if i join you for a walk?" I offered trying to be nice, but i think it came out a little weird!  
He looked so unsure, standing there only staring at me like i just asked him to go on a date with me!! "Cmon harry im not asking you aou!!"

He finally nod and continued to go his way slower this time, waiting for me to Join him. "Last time we spoke i pissed you off so bad, i expected you to hate me!" He said in a low tone like was a bit shy about it. He was right, he did piss me off but i didn't hate him! In fact he was the one who hated me! "Harry your the one who hates me! " i said honestly, not making any eye contact.  
"I don't!"  
"What? "  
"I used to, but now i don't!"  
"Yea! Out of pity!"  
"no! I just relate!"  
With that he looked at me and i nod in understanding cause i knew what he ment by that exactly.  
We fell in an awkward silent for a few minutes until he broke it and asked "what made you want to talk to me again?" I knew he would ask this  
"Well, you know what I've been through and..." "if your worried i might tell someone, if i wanted to i would do it by now, but don't worry i have no one to tell! Well your girlfriend is my lab partner but she talks too muc! I Don't think she ever actually let me say anything !" he cut me off with a joke "Eleanor is your lab partner ?? She's a funny girl!"  
"oh no believe me! She just talks too much!"  
i chuckled, he was obviously misunderstanding about what i wanted to say to him. "I didn't want to say that! I was trying to say that i told you about myself now i really want to know about you!"  
"There isn't much to say, you already know that I've been bullied"  
"How long?"  
"Final year of middle school!"  
"Only one year made you depressed?"  
"To me, i think even one day of it is enough to give someone self hate! And thats not my only reason!"  
"Ok your right. Whats your other reason?"  
He looked down, and for the first time i could see some emotion in his face, and there was only sadness  
"Never mind"  
"Tell me!" I insist not even caring if i was in a place of that or not. He shooke his head and chuckled "look theres something about me, that i can use it to make you hate me just like everyone else, do you still wanna know?" Hell, that made my curiosity ten times worst  
"Did you kill someone?" I asked the worst thing that came to my mind, he chuckled again "i wish, but i can't do that!"  
"So what is it?"

POV harry:  
"im gay!" There i said it! Im waiting for the insults, disgusted looks and hatred words. I waited for louis to use one of those things. I'd be ok with it! Im used to it after all, but in my surprise non of it happened. He looked like he was waiting for me to say something else "and? Did you rape your neighbours little son?" He asked with a calm expression which was not realy what i expected.  
I looked at him "um... No! Thats just it!!" I was confused! Wasn't he and all of his friends homophobics? Im pretty sure i saw them bullying gay kids, not him exactly, but his friends!  
"you said there was something so bad about you, im waiting for you to tell me what that is!!!"  
"But i just did!" He looked at me with wide eyes "why should i hate you just for that?"  
"everyone else did!!"  
"but i don't !!"  
"Aren't you homophobic?"  
"Oh harry you don't know me at all!" He let out a short laugh. Everything was so weird! This was the first time someone ever showed this reaction to what i just said!  
"Don't tell me your gay too cause im then I'd feel pity for Eleanor !" At that point he let out a proper laugh, "im not gay, but Eleanor isn't my girlfriend either! We went on a date once. She made it a big deal for herself!!"  
"Oh!!"  
"Yea!"  
"But why aren't you homophobic? I mean all your friends are!!" He laughed again, more like a chuckle this time "yea my friends are all assholes and bullies and homophobics, but im non of that and clearly you will never understand this!"  
He was right! From the very first moment all i did was judging him by his friends, well what was i spose to do? I didn't know him, and i didn't think i would ever know him, all i knew was what i were seeing!  
"Im sorry!" I said in a low voice and he only nod  
"so your friends hated you for just being gay?"  
"not just my friends , the whole school! The whole world to be exact!"  
"what do you mean? How this the whole world know ?"  
"you see, i had this best friend, that i... Had a little crush on him! And when i came out, and told him how i feel, he just freaked out and told everyone at school , and i mean literally everyone, that i tried to rape him! So everyone even teachers and parents looked at me as pervert for the rest of the year!"  
"holly shit!! How did you even get friends to that asshole to begin with ???"  
"he wasn't like that to begin with !!"  
"oh my god that is just terrible!! And what did your parents do about it?  
I chuckled "my sister already hated me for being gay, she was the first one i came out to! And after that she believed everything anyone ever said about me, and my mom well ... She said she'll have my back and she believes me and all, but... After a while it was like she didn't even see i was being bullied!"  
"and your dad?"  
"i don't have one! He left us when i was little"  
He looked so understanding and calm, it was the first time ever i told anyone this things, it was the first time i ever had anyone to tell!! 

We didn't say anytinge else the rest of the way we were just walking side by side looking at the road ahead of us. I didn't know what he was thinking about, but as for my side i was only thinking that how wrong i was about the guy i used to hate to death two weeks ago. And that was what others did to me, they judged me and hated me without knowing me! Everyone, but not my family! They had no right to judge me cause they knew me well.

We were almost near my house when Louis start to talk again. "my dad left us too!" He sounded so calm about it,"but enough for the sentimental talks" , "well i hope you tell me about it some other time!" His expression changed to cheard up "yea sure,...cool. I look forward to it!" I smiled and nod then he talked again "does that mean, we're friends now?". Wow! I didn't expect that question to come! What should i answer to that? I hadn't had any friends for two years. But all that time i didn't know how much i needed one! I know now that this loneliness is killing me "only if you want to!" I said finally a little shy. He smiled "i do. " i just made a friend! A friend who doesn't judge me! Who relates with me! Thats a big achivement!

"Well i should head that way to go home," i said pointing to the street in our left side. "Ok than" he said smiling with a simple wave. I headed my own way when he called me again "harry? " i turn around to see what he wants to say. "Um... since we're friends now, i should have your number!" He was right! Yea i totally forgot! "Give me your phone" i said. He got his phone out and gave it to me. I intered my number in his phone, giving it back so he can save it whatever he wants. He smiled "thanks. Ill text you , so you have my number too" "okay" was the final words we spoke befor turning around and go our own way. I still cant believe i just made a friend. After two years. Me! The depressed loner harry styles is now friends with schools most popular guy! The one who runs from crowd and attention just got friend with the center of attention! I don't know if that was a good idea or not. Im not sure if that turn out good or awfully bad. But i wasn't alone anymore. Who would thought that the big bad Louis tomlinson, that i once hated, would turn out to be the only one i could relate with?............


	7. sweet like a song

POV Louis:  
a few days passed. I spend it all with harry, somehow we just found each other the only ones who we could actually be ourselves with. I really liked spending time with him. He could understand me, i could understand him. And he was fun to hang out with even though he was so sad inside. But somehow i was comfortable even with his sadness.i could get along with him so well even though he was younger than me.

Detention spent much faster because i didn't have to sit alone trying to not bang my head against the table. There wasn't much left of it anyway. But i didn't care anymore.

My friends were a bit mad at me for it. I remember zayn saying "the kid is a freak how can you spend this much time with him, not caring about us anymore??" I had to asure him that i do care about them, even tho i wasn't really capable of caring for anyone other than my family, which contained only my sisters. But still they were my best friends. We spent four years together so this wasn't obviously fair. But surly spending time with someone who gets you is much better than the ones who have their heads above the clouds!  
Michael didn't mind though! he just didn't want to bother with harry anymore. I didn't want hem to mess with harry, i mean, last time could go awfully bad, we were lucky that it didn't.

And then there was Eleanor. There was no way i mess this one up. She was amazing in every point. BUT i still didn't feel right around her, but still i wasn't going to lose her. This stupid feeling will go away soon. The good thing was that she and harry were classmates. Not "mates" actually because harry isn't exactly the friendly kind of guy, but still he didn't say no to helping me with everything about her.

I learned a lot about him. Like the fact that he used to be equally as popular as i am now, that he and his sister were so close, that his friends knew him as the brightest boy in town, he said he could chear everyone up no matter how bad they felt. Such shame it all got ruined only because of a single fact about him, i wish i could see his former best friend and rip his head off!!   
And i told him everything about me there is to know about my stepdad , my sisters , my mom, about the fact that she stopped caring about me when my own dad left us, and how her husband truly hates me. I don't care much anymore though. As long as i have my sisters...  
And then there is this funny thing about it all...I don't know why, but for whatever reason there is, i just don't whant harry to feel bad anymore. I know the feeling and im better, and now i want to take care of harry...i care enough to make him feel better too.  
Hell Yes ... I admit it, harry made me care about him...

Since me and harry start hanging out i haven't seen him low untill today. The whole day he was quite, he didn't eat anything at lunch time, and his answer to all of my concerned questions were "it's nothing, im fine, im just tired". And when detention was over he left as soon as he could like those other days that we weren't talking, only a bit faster like he didn't want me to follw him. But i did.

The exit way was empty. He couldn't be that fast! He wasn't out of school for sure. He had to have vampire speed to be able to leave the school that fast.i wanted to call him but i realised if he wanted to talk to me he wouldn't disappear like that, so i figured he wouldn't answer , so he had to be still in the school. First i checked the locker room, which was the silliest idea i ever had! And it was only a waste of time. So i hurried to the bathroom hoping his there, which he was...

he was sitting on the ground having his head rest against the wall and his hands on his knees. Both sleeves up and both arms bloody! I, panicked when he didn't even notice i came in.

"Harry?" I called carefully sitting down beside him. He didn't answer but opend his eyes. I sighed in relief. His eyes were red and wet, so was his face.  
"Harry?" I called again concernly. He looked at my face with cold expression. "What?" He said his voice hoarse and low.  
"What happened? Whats wrong?"  
"Everythings wrong. My existent is wrong!"  
"Don't say that!! Tell me what made you feel this way?"  
"Why? I don't want your sympathy!"  
"Your hands are bleeding so bad, come on harry, ill take you to my place to clean your wounds ."  
He suddenly start sobbing so hard that made me panic more "how can you clean the blood off my heart? Can you stitch the wounds on my soul? Can you do that? I wanna die louis just let me die..." he said between the sobs. This was heart breaking. I held his face made him look in my eyes. "Hey hey...shh its ok. I try my best ok? im here for you. Ill help you alright? Just come with me" my voice was low and soothing, my words were nothing but truth. I would do anything to make him feel better. I don't know why, but i felt like i was obligated too.  
So i just helped him on his feet and let him out of the bathroom, and he kept sobbing on my shoulder.

When we got home, my mom and stepdad weren't home, neither the little twins. Only lotty and fizzy were in their room with music too loud that didn't even let them notice i was home. Harry was still crying but he wasn't sobbing anymore. He were only shading silent tears not even bothering to wipe them off.  
We went upstairs to my room, closed the door and sat on the bed. harry were acting like a four year old kid doing everything he was told. I took his hoodie off and throwed it on the ground. I fetch some toilet papers and the emergency box from the bathroom. Harry was still sitting on the bed crying. Gentally i cleaned the blood of his hands and wrapped gauze around it trying not to wrap it to tight. When i was done with the cuts i sat beside him on the bed. I looked at him for a few minutes not saying anything, watching his tears fall like rain drops.

When i finally decided that it was time to speek, i put my fingers under harrys chin and forced him to look up in my eyes.  
"Do you wanna talk now?"  
"Theres nothing to talk about!"  
"Come on harry, your crying like a storm cloud, why don't you just let it out?"  
He let out another broken sob "louis i can't stand this much hate anymore! This is too much!"  
I didn't know what he was talking about, i just kept quite waiting for upcoming explainations.  
"louis remember i told you why i got depressed? I nod as he continued "well it's not all!" that was when i got panicked   
"my mom, well , she was so lonely after mg father" he swallowed trying to stop crying, "she start dating this big guy, i don't really remember his name, but he was weird!, there was always something off about him, it was before i come out." he got teared up again, i didn't like where the story was going ."i alway got worried about gemma when he would stay at our place, i was so young but i didn't want my sister to be alone when he was around. One night she convinced me that everything was ok and i could be in my own room, so i did" oh god please don't tell me its what i think it is  
"that night, i woke up, in the middle of the night, when someone walked in my bedroom. It was him, drunk and naked..." he start sobbing again. What he was saying was too awful to hear, worse than i pictured, the only thing i could do was to sooth him with squeezing his hand. ""He didn't ... did he?" I asked not sure if i wanted to know the answer or not. To my relief he shook his head "my mom came in and called the cops after he tried his hardest, he attacked me, his disgusting sweating body..".he cringed to the thoughts "and i screamed my throat out! I was so scared, gemma start sleeping in my room after that cause i start having nightmares about it, but after i got better my mom stopped having relationships and somehow got numb like i am now! And after i came out, gemma came to this conclusion that i lead him on and it was all my own fault. See what I've been through? I still get hate everyday from gemma! And i can say i die for her but she hates me! Today at breakfast we got in to a fight and she said she wished i was dead!" His sobs got way too harder! I didn't know what to do but i could feel i was just as hurted as him. I was sure as hell i could brust out crying any moment. My heart hurted ,and i felt helpless.

Only holding his hand wouldn't do any good. I shift closer to him and hold him tight in my arms to make him stop shaking and sobbing. Rubbing his back in circles and wispering in his ear "shhh harry, it's all over now. Your not alone. Im sure your mom cares about you, forget about your sisters harsh words, your not alone anymore harry, im here for you. From now on you got me. I make sure I'll be the one who sticks to your side no matter what ok? Calm down harry". I could tell it was working when harry stopped shaking. I could feel his tears on the back of my shirt where his head was layed. I loosen up the hug to see his face. His bright green eyes were looking straight to mine. I never noticed his eyes were this green. They were green enough to make one get lost in them.  
His tears were almost stoping, but his voice was so broken when he said "thank you. All these two years everytime i got like this i wished there was someone to tell me the things you said even if they were sweet lies..." "im not lying harry. I swear i will never leave you alone. Im here for you, always." I cut his words wanting to make sure he knew how true mine were. For some strange reason i felt closer to him than i weres spose to!  
He didn't say anything else, just wore a bitter smile and looked down.

I pulled him close again, only a bit tighter this time. I wanted to show him how much i cared for him.  
And then i felt his arms slowly wrap themselves around my waist. Just as tightly if not tighter. It was like he was afraid to let go. So i let us stay that way

Hugging him felt so right. It felt much better when he hugged back. What was the feeling i had? Its crazy. So crazy. It couldn't be! But why? Why did i feel so in the place when he hold me? Why did i...  
did i really feel butterflys in my stomach when he wrapped his arms around me? When he squeezed me tight to his body? Why? Whats wrong with me? Whatever this is... its the best thing i ever felt in my life...


	8. Dance in the smoke

Pov harry:  
Louis phone start ringing. Who the hell calls that early in the morning??   
I barely opened my eyes and the first thing i realise was the fact that i were laying on louis chest and his arm were tightly around my waist. Thinking about how did we end up cuddling brought back the memories.   
He asked me to open up to him and i did even though i felt so wrong doing so.  
I thought he wouldn't care.i thought its just curiosity. But he proved me wrong when he let me cry in his arms. So i cried and cried until we both passed out. And that's probably the reason we were cuddling. 

The phone start ringing again.it was really starting to piss me off and louis were deep in his sleep. I shooke him a bit trying to get him to wake up. He moand in disapproval shifting to his left side. "louis wake up your phone just wont stop ringing!!!" he ignorantly shut his eyes tighter which was a bit annoying "louis C'mon wake up!!" he suddenly groaned, swiftly turning around to grab his phone.  
"what??"  
"what do you want clifford??"  
"no"  
"because i don't want to!!"  
"tell him to suck it im not in the mood!!"  
"ok im being nice now. I do NOT want to hang out with you guys this Saturday now fuck off"

He sound so grumpy. Well i would be too if my annoying friends wouldn't let go of me.   
He hang up the phone dropping himself on his pillow again. I were only looking at him the whole time. It was too late to fall back to sleep. Now i had other things in mind. Surprisingly i couldn't stop thinking that how warm it felt to be cuddled by someone. It's been long since i cuddled anyone. And the final one were gemma!   
"sorry that woke you up mate!!" louis said with a muffled tone his face still buried in his pillow.   
"nah its fine. We should be awake anyway!!" he span around looking at me with his so bright blue eyes. Since when do they look so damn bright??   
"how are you felling now harry?" that was when i saw the concerne in his eyes as well as their brightness. "I've been worst!!" i said with a humerus motion making him smile a little. It felt good. Making him smile!! Gosh what's wrong with me.? 

"well i hope you get better but as for now we need food!!" he said getting up from the bed "and since no ones home and you can cook i go take a shower and your making breakfast!!"  
"where are your sisters?"  
"my mom called last nifht telling me that she's coming to get lottie and fizzy, they are going to marks sisters house, she recently delivered a baby. Ok now stop asking questions, get to work!!" he joked, and i chuckled shaking my head "i only made an omelette for you once, how do you know i can cook other stuff??" he crossed his arms "well go make that omelette again cause that was fuckin awesome and that saves me from burning myself!!" and with that he left for shower. 

So i was spose to make breakfast. But i wasn't in the mood of omelette. Pancakes are better. Cooking always gets my mind off of everything specially now that i really needed to stop thinking about things that make me sad, and these forbidden feelings i have right now. 

I was so busy making pancakes that i didn't realise louis came to kitchen. I only felt it when he start making sounds and finally start to talk "damn harry the smell is a killer!! Im starving" i turned around to see him and oh…  
He were standing behind me with only a towel wrapped around his waist.his tanned body were shining, out of wetness and his wet hair were all over his face. A big tattoo was on his chest saying "it is what it is" a stag and a heart was on his right arm. There was a lot of tattoos on his hands also on his feet. But those tattoos weren't the only thing that made him hot. His abs, his board shoulders, his biceps. He was on fire!! Daaaamn harry whats wrong with you?? I couldn't stop staring at him. But this isn't right his my friend and it's awkward to stare at your naked friend right?? Right!! 

"earth to harry!!" said louis reminding me that im still staring. I blushed and looked away "pancakes are ready" i said with a shy voice turning my back to him to put the pancakes in two plates and putting them on the table for two of us. Louis smiled "ok so ill go get dressed and ill come back to eat these amazing smelling pancakes." i nod. Good idea.he really should've got dressed or I'd spend the whole morning making a fool out of myself. This was getting annoying. I put my hands on sides of my head and shut my eyes trying to block the stupid thoughts i had. And then i distracted myself with designing the pancakes with syrup and cream and whatever i could find in the fridge and cabinets!

Louis came back sooner than i expected cheerfully sitting in front of me. "wow!! Look at this!! well its officially a good morning!!" i chuckled at his cheerfulness. Somehow he always were so damn hyper, unless something gets on his nerve. He'd become a wild animal. But he was so different from what i thought of him. He was so much better in fact. Completely a different person. A better person. The first one who listened to me after two years. I cared for him though! A lot actually. There was no way i messe things up like last time.  
Within a few minutes he finished eating making all kinds of sounds. His do damn funny, and im surly going insane!!  
"why your so quite?" said louis with a mouth full of pancakes "i don't know. I guess i just don't have anything to say"   
"come on harry talk to me?"  
"what should i say?"  
"is anything still bothering you?"  
"no im just trying to eat! I don't usually eat breakfast."  
"why?"  
"i don't know i just don't"  
"and i don't usually eat like this.but your handcookings are awesome i just can't get enough!!"  
"im glad you like it!!"  
"i love it!! Your hired!"  
I laughed a little, going back to eating before i say anything stupid

"so why don't you go with your family to places on weekends?" i finally said, breaking the silent   
"im not a relative, besides i don't really like them. Its not fun at all. All girls wanna do is to do girly stuff, and my mom is always busy with her oh so amazing husband, and the husband hates me, so yea!"  
"well its cool to have the home all to yourself!"  
"i know right!? I can do anything i want!!"  
"like what??"  
"i usually have my friends here and we either drink or smoke weed. But they always end up with their girlfriends in our beds and i just lay down on the cauch enjoying the light headed feeling i get."  
"why don't you invite Eleanor here!?"  
"ugh... I really don't know! I don't want to rush things"  
"so how is it??"  
"i don't know, we hadn't done it yet!!"  
"i ment the weed you idiot! "  
"you never tried it??"  
"no!!never got the chance too!!"  
"i have some if you wanna try!!"  
"can i?"  
"oh hell yea curly!! If your finished with that we can go to my room and smoke!"  
"ok yea lets go"  
I always wanted to try weed but since i had no friends and no one to communicate with i didn't know where to get them. It should be cool to smokr With a friend. A very caring friend who were actually so damn hot!! Gosh only if i could get my freakin head to shut up!!

I followed him upstairs to his room. He closed the door and closed the curtains just in case. I sat on his bed watching him search in his drawer taking out a small box.  
"here it is. I rolled them yesterday morning before i come to school i was planning to smoke last night but it didn't happen so we do it now." he said placing the open box on the bed and sitting in front of me. I was a bit nervous in fact. With the thoughts i had i was afraid to do something stupid. It can't get me to do crazy stuff that i don't want to right? Or the things i secretly want but i don't do on my right mind! Wait what do i want??

The first rolled joint was lighten up by louis. He took a drag out of it. I watched him take the smoke in and blowing it out from between his thin lips. He offered it to me "here. Just take the smoke in then blow out. Take a small one at first don't hurt your throat" he gave me the tips i already knew. I had cigarettes before . This couldn't be much different. Only weed instead of tobacco.!! 

I took a long drag. Deep and long. Taking all the smoke in and blowing out from my nose. "damn harry i thought you said you didn't smoke before!!" said louis obviously very surprised of my smoking skills! "i said i never had weed, but never said i didn't smoke at all!!"  
I took another drag and gave it to him.   
We kept on smoking and smoking and we finished two joints. My head was so light. I couldn't even remember what were the shits i were thinking about. I was on "fuck it" mood. My eyed were pinned on the hottest view in front of me. Everything was on slow motion. From when louis finished the joint to the was he dropped himself on the bed. So slow. It was killing me. All i wanted was to however on him. To see how his eyes looked like from that point. Did the looked as bright as they were when he woke up? The temperature ran high so suddenly i couldn't take it anymore "damn why is it so hot in here??" i said while taking off my shirt. Louis got up from where he was lying and examine my whole body with his eyes. I felt like he were touching me with them. It was getting hotter and hotter with him looking at me like that. "gosh look at that damn sparrow tattoos" he got closer to me to touch them. Moving his small fingers on my chest. Was i melting?? I sure as fuck i was. This place was getting hotter then it should. Louis fingers on my chest took longer then they should. His eyes looked up in to mine. I got my answer. They were darker now. So much darker. But still they were blue. So damn blue. Dreamy blue. 

I wasn't even going to stop my thoughts. I were enjoying them. Enjoying the fact that i were admiring louis. The louis tomlinson i used to hate. Now i was lost in his eyes and i didn't want to be found. Who cares if its only the effection of weed. Weed or not louis face were only inches away from mine. Weed or not it was getting even closer. Weed or not louis tomlinsons body heat were melting me and i loved it. Weed or not…  
So suddenly… Unexpectedly… surprisingly…  
Was it louis tomlinsons lips on mine?


	9. Certain calls

Silent stares  
Big leap, I'm unprepared,  
But I'm fighting it  
Reigniting this once more  
Burning bright sensation  
There's no medication  
But they could recreate  
This world we make 'cause it's ours

And you say oh my love  
You know I've come to bring you peace...

Give me all your love please  
Pov louis   
Who would have thought that smoking with harry styles would be this hard?? The harry styles who were my newly best friend. The very straight louis were having crazy thoughts about the very gay harry due to the joint we smoked.

It only got worst when he took his shirt of. He was right, it was really hot here. But i think it was harry himself who made it hot. I know im not on my right mind but i couldn't care less. 

Harrys shirtless body right in front of my eyes. His shirtless perfect body. Some tattoos on his arim and the biggest one was two sparrows across his chest. How come a sixteen years old boy looks this perfect? He looked nothing like the other boys i saw. His body was a bit firm for his age. 

I wanted to touch him. I wanted to know how his skin feels like under ny fingers. I wanted to touch his tattoos. I wanted to…

There was a long list of the things i would do to harry right now but as for now i really wanted to touch his sparrows. And i honestly do not care if it's weird or anything. Im in the mood of doing what the fuck ever i want. 

Slowly i moved closer to him. Only inches apart. He shivered when i placed my fingertips on his chest. His breathing changed. Faster, a bit nervous. But his eyes, they were a different story. So green, so big, so beautiful. Why haven't i noticed this before?? 

I moved my fingers and he didn't say a thing. His skin felt so good. So soft under my fingers. I wanted more of him. So much more. I know im straight but harry is irresistible. His not like other guys. His the only guy that ever looked hot in my eyes. 

Finally i was able to take my eyes off of his. Only to move it to his lips. His red plumpy lips. How many guys are out there with lips this perfect? Gosh i know how wrong it is. I know im not gay. I know i shouldn't do this  
But i did…

I don't even know how it happened but suddenly i found myself lip locked with harry. I was straight. God this is so wrong. But the minute i felt the hotness of his lips all the thoughts of being straight was thrown out of the window. His lips were the best thing i ever tasted. The only thing i could think of, was how much i wanted more. More of his lips. More of Him. More of everything. I didn't care about anything else anymore. 

He was surprised at first, he wasn't moving, his lips were just there for me taste. But when he finally start melting to the kiss, moving his lips against mine,oh…  
This was his very first kiss. I could tell by the way he was kissing back. No skills just trying to get more of mine. This was the best thing ever. That showed how young he was. Gosh the irony of how he looked, so hot and mature but in fact how young and inexperienced he was. And that was the best situation for me to take control of him. Moving my body closer and closer until i were sitting on his lap. Chest to chest. Lips not parting even though we both needed air. The kiss were getting deeper and deeper. Harrys slightly parted lips gave me the chance to slip my tongue inside. He tasted amazing. His mouth was so damn hot. The deeper i went with his mouth the more i wanted.   
My hands felt like they had the mind of their own. Going up and down on his chest and arms and neck. His long milky neck. Seducingly soft. His neck was the only reason i give up on his mouth. 

Taking my lips off of him i looked at his face. His cheekes were flushed and lips so swollen and eyes so dark with lust. Even looking at him in this state was pleasurable. His curls hung lose around his face making him look so hotter. Gosh everything about him was on fire. It's like he was made to melt me!! 

I put my fingers in his hair taking them off of his face. The curls felt incredible under my fingers, they were so soft. Too soft in fact. Making me want to tug them so hard. And i did. I took a hand full of those caramel curls and tuged them a bit hard which made harry moan loudly. Sweet lord. He just moaned. The best sound i ever heard anyone make. He moaned when i tuged his hair. That was seducivly hot.  
"God harry. Your the death of me!!" i said with a very low voice. Almost a wisper. Harry looked in my eyes not saying anything just his lips parted and his chest going up and down taking short breaths. 

Slowly i moved my face to his neck. Breathing in smelling him first. He smelled like cherry soap. So fresh. Made me wanna taste his skin. So i start from his earlobe nibbling on it kissing it going on to his neck. Biting and licking and kissing and nibbling. I couldn't get enough.

Harry was a whimpering mess under me. I could feel his dick getting hard. So was mine. This was turning me on like nothing ever did before.   
The air was getting hotter than it should. It was getting hard to breath. Harrys hand traveled from bed to my waist under my shirt. Lifting it up to my neck showing me that he wans it of.   
He was in to it as much as i was. 

I took my shirt of looking at harrys face while doing so. His eyes were darker than before. His hand was on my chest. Touching my bare body. His palm so hot burning my skin. At that moment i was sure nothing could feel this good. Until he lift his hip up grinding his hard on to mine making a friction. "oh god harry" i couldn't hold back the moan. I start grinding down on him trying to get more. More then the friction, harrys little sounds were getting me to full hardness. I couldn't take this anymore. "fuck, louis im so hard for you right now.i can't take it"   
"me too! fuck, take your pants of." i didn't need to ask twice. He did as he was told, with a swift move his pants was off on the flore. He was layin in front of me with just his boxers on. 

That was when hornyness took control of me and i attacked his boxers taking it off too holding his rock hard dick in my hand. pumping it once and twice until i decide only touching it ain't enough. I wanted to feel it. Strangly i wanted to taste it. I was so damn horny and harrys moans wasn't helping.  
I just wanted more of everything, specially more of harrys moans. I wanted him to be much louder. I wanted him to scream my name.

I didn't even ask for permission when i wrapped my lips around the tip giving it a gentle lick making harry scream in pleasure. That was exactly what i wanted.

Harry was so big for his age. Gosh harry fuckin styles looked nothing like a sixteen year old boy. He was inexperienced of course. But his body was perfection itself. He was a complete package for making me want to make him moan louder even though im exploding with hardness myself!!   
"oh fuck lou!! More please!" he was already beging for it. I decided to tease him a bit more so i took his dick of, start to give it small kitten licks. "lou please. Please..." he was breathless and this was amusing as hell  
"please what harry? What do you want?"  
"louis. Please. Your mouth!"  
"how do you want my mouth harry?  
"on my dick... Louis... I want your mouth on mu dick"  
His hoarse tone was enough to make me attack him again with my mouth, taking all of his cock deep in my mouth. I could feel the tip hitting the back of my throat when i start bobbing my head up and down on it. It kinda make me gag on it a bit but that didn't stop me from sucking him with all of my desire. I never thought in my life comes a day that i get so freakin horny by sucking a cock. He was so hot and hard in my mouth. I was loving every inch of it. 

Harrys moans were getting louder and louder and louder until he screamed "fuck lou im gonna cum"   
The only thing i did was to suck even harder pushing him off the edge making him cum hard in my mouth.   
I swallowed every single drop not letting it go to waste. Surely i wasn't on my right mind, im so gonna regret this when im not stoned!

Looking up at him, he was flushed and sweaty. The view was hot enough to make me wanna cum in my pants. But i couldn't, i needed more than that. I needed harry. Fuck im about to explode!

That was when harry got up from where he was lying. Looking at me with slightly parted eyes. "now its my turn" he said while trying to take my pants of. I lift my hip to help him take it of alongside with my boxers.  
He did the exact thing i did to him. Wrapping his hand around my dick first. The feeling of having harrys hand around it after being ignored for long was driving me insane. His hands were big and soft pumping my cock up and down. I couldn't help but letting out small moans. I closed my eyes letting myself enjoy the sensation, which was the worst thing i did, because so suddenly i felt the hotness of harrys mouth on me giving my whole body electrical shock. I almost screamed with the sudden pleasure.   
He took no time with taking it all inside deep throating me like a pro. I was so close. So damn close "fuck harry im close" he sucked hard and harder with every bob of his head. Opening my eyes i saw how his lips were stretched around my couck and that was it.  
I came as hard as i could making harry choke a little. My cum dripping off from his chin and his eyes were watering.   
He took every drop of his chin with his finger, sucking it of, almpst making me hard again.  
But thats just almost.   
I had zero energy for anything else. "you agree with a little nap?" i said my voice hardly audible. He just nod and got on his previous position on the bed. I got close to him putting my head on his chest and instantly we were both off to sleep.

Pov harry:  
I opened my eyes to find myself in a cuddling position again. Louis was on my chest this time and we were both naked. Wait what???  
Why on earth were we…  
Oh god!!  
Memories flashing before my eyes giving me the most awful feeling i could ever feel. What the fuck did we do?? Gosh i messed up this one too!!  
But hold on. Louis were the one who kissed me. But why?? He was straight for fucks sake!! 

I looked at louis face. So peacefully sleeping on me breathing gently. He looked so good like that. So small in my arms.  
His face so calm and sweet. Tanned skin and cheek bones and jaw line and fuck my life he was so damn perfect. But the question is, why am i drooling for him???? He and i are just friends!!  
Yea friends who sucked each other off!!

He moved away slowly blinking his eyes open. "good morning!!" i chuckled at his goofiness. How could he still be joking? "its 5pm you idiot!!" he frowned "what?? But we slept pretty soon last night!!" night? What is he talking about??   
"by the way i had the craziest dream of my entire life"  
"louis whaf the fuck are you talking about??" i asked, a bit confused. "what do you mean???you cried your eyes out and we fell sleep!!, though i don't remember the part when we got naked!! "  
Ok shit he wasn't joking! He thought this all was a crazy dream!!!! But the look on his face was showing that he was realising things "please tell me i was only dreaming!!" he suddenly said, smacking his both hands on his face. "i can't!! Cause it wasn't!!" i said getting up to get my clothes.   
"but how the hell did that happen???" he sounded so shocked, i would be too if i were straight and had sucked my friends dick!!   
I ignored him putting my clothes on tryin not to look as awful as i felt.  
Louis on the other hand couldn't hide how upsef he was.   
Shit im screwed!!

Louis got up putting his clothes on as i did, sitting back on the bed "harry we should talk " yes we should but god damn you louis what the fuck you want me to say?? That i was high and i didn't stop you? That it was too good that wanted every freakin part of your body? That im developing feelings for you?? But insted of saying all of that i just sat down beside him in silent letting him do the talking.   
"look harry you understand that we were both high right?"  
"yes"  
"im sorry i shouldn't have kissed you. And you do know that im straight right?"  
"right"  
"that was totally wrong we're just friends!! "  
"i know"  
"shit harry can you please stop answering like that!??"  
"what do you want me to say??"  
"at least don't pretend that it was only me who wanted it!!"  
"you wanted it??!?"  
"didn't you??"  
"i did, but that's because im actually gay and that was my fuckin first time!!!"  
"fuck harry i know im straight but i was high and you got naked!!"  
"so you turn gay when your high??"  
"fuck you harry!! Now you suddenly hate me again just for that??"  
"fuck you too lou!! I don't fuckin hate you. And what happened is not a small thing!! It was my freakin first time!!  
"gosh i feel like an asshole im so fuckin sorry. I didn't want to ruin your first time with a high meaningless blow job!!"  
Meaningless!! Even i already knew it, it still did it's best job to fuck up my heart!!! And i didn't even know why!  
"ok, whatever!! I should probably head home now"  
He sighed and nod in understanding. He didn't even know what he were understanding! He thought i was upset because my first time was ruined. But fuck im not some kinda chick to care about shit like this. But i let him think like that. It's better than knowing your friend has a crush on you!! At least i wouldn't lose him!!  
"ey harry we're good?" he asked as i was about to leave the room. There was so much hope and concern in his eyes.  
The right thing to do was to stay away now that i know my feelings, but i couldn't do that!!  
"yea, we're good!" i said and left.

At that point i didn't give a flying fuck about what louis thought. All i could think about was how screwed up i was. All my life was a mess. From my family to my state of crushes. The first one fucked my life enough.   
I didn't deserve to feel anything for anyone. Because i always fall for the wrong one and make my life a living hell. I had to be alone. It's still better than having friends and have crush on them and be broken hearted again.   
I could only have one friend   
My razor blade…


	10. Clean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. Well im back. Sooo sorry for the long delay. My uni began and i was trying to be the smart one  
> Thank u for reading and telling me my flaws, i tried to fix them and if there are still issues plz be kind enough to tel me  
> Lots of love  
> Xx haniya

How no one saw  
The things I felt?   
How no one touched   
The tears i shed?  
Why was i left  
Alone in cold?  
Why was my life  
The tale untold?   
H.L  
Pov Louis:  
two days passed after what happened that night.without any sign of harry. He wouldn't answer my calls or texts and he didn't show up at school. I thought he would be at school today but he didn't show up again. I was starting to worry. If he had cut again it'd be entirely my fault.   
God i feel so damn bad about everything. I shouldn't have done that. But how could i stop since i was high and he just felt so good!! Yes i admit that it felt better than anything i felt with anyone. Even with Eleanor! Speaking of Eleanor, i had to take her out after school on a date, but i was thinking about was a way to cancel it without hurting her feelings But i failed since the only explanation would be "my friend harry gave me a freakin amazing blow job but now he won't answer me so im not in the mood of going out with you today" and if i actually say that i should expect to be slapped in the face with the lunch table!!   
"hey man, you alright?" zayns voice cut me out of my thoughts. He put his plate down beside me waiting for me to respond.   
"yea im fine just thinking"  
"oh yea? What you thinking of?"  
"just some polite way to cancel a date!!"  
"and why im not so surprised??"  
"No it's not like that, im not running from it i just can't do it today"  
"oh hell you are!! I thought you said you actually like this one!!"  
"i do zayn!! Im just not in the mood for it today!!"  
"Alright whatever you say man. Just tell her your sick, which is not actually a lie!!"  
"wha the hell??"  
"Mate your sitting here the whole lunch hour and you didn't even tuch your food!!"  
"turns out im not in the mood for anything today"  
"louis im your best friend are you gonna tell me what's wrong with you?"  
"zayn im really fine mate don't worry"  
"you two are having a secret meeting without me??" Michaels voice thankfully stopped zayn from asking any more questions i didn't had the answer to, only if he doesn't start asking himself   
"no, just louis is on his periods!!"  
I kinda forgot how pleasantly i hate this black haired asshole. Michael start laughing so loud making me smile a little "fuck you zayn" i said trying to be harsh but failing so badly since all i received was a petting on the head from Michael. "but seriously louis you don't look so good!"  
And he did start asking!! Great!!   
"guys im good! Stop asking that!! Where are your girlfriends anyway??"  
Michael shrugged "they both are with their other annoying friends trying to be mean to other girls and since there was no losers for us to tease today we found our way back to our newly loner buddy! And speaking of loners, Where is styles?"  
"i don't know!" i said with a low voice trying not to be obvious. Which took both zayn and Michael by surprise   
"what?? But i thought you two were besties nowadays!!" asked zayn with sarcastic tone. This was the point where they start being annoying to me and i don't even know when did that happen!!   
"do you see him anywhere around?? Obviously his not here and i don't know where the hell he is!" i talked fast showing my annoyed expression which made Michael talk back at me  
"louis would you freakin tell us what the hell is wrong with you lately??"  
I frowned in confusion "and what the hell do you mean by that???"  
Zayn answered for him "his right lou, you take your distance from us you always hang out with that freak, you seem to forget who your real friends are!!"  
Oh i did not see that coming! I should be thinking about the main part of what zayn said which is actually true i am keeping my distance, and i should be a good friend saying the opposite of that to make my long time best friends feel better but all i can think about is that he called harry "freak" and that just got me lose my shit and act like an asshole "what the fuck is wrong with your brain malik??? Well you two are the ones who act like freaks, oh hell no, your acting like girls who feel like they're about to get dumped.!!" with that i got up from my sit to leave but not without taking a last look at them to see how they react. Michael just shook his head saying "i guess you really are on your periods!!" he said it with a fake laugh trying to shake it off which was a relief since i knew they wouldn't take anything serious! 

I didn't feel like staying at school for the last classes, i have no idea what's wrong with me. I knew it's my guilt thats washing over me but somehow i feel like thats not it!! It's not only that. There's something off but i don't know what it is. I kept remembering harrys expression when he said we were good to find out if it was fake or not.   
The more i thought about it the faker it'd look. I mean why else wasn't he answering my calls? He had every right to be mad at me. I ruined his first kiss, his first time that he does anything with someone, i started it without thinking and then i told him how meaningless it was. Well even though he obviously knew it himself but still its so harsh to hear your first time was meaningless!!   
Well my own first time wasn't anything special either. I felt absolutely nothing!! Not even a single spark or whatever. But it doesn't give me the right to ruin someone else's first. Which i did. And now it's eating me up inside out.   
I have no idea where did i end up. Seems like the park where Michael punched harry in the face. And it gives me the hope that he might be here.

Pov harry  
The pain is to much for me to handle, it's like i wanna rip out my heart from my chest. Losing something is hard but having it back for a brief moment and then losing it again ia just hell itself. Why did it even start? I thought i could have a friend, having someone to be close to, having someone to talk to, but then it felts so bloody good that i couldn't help myself faling for him. He just felt so good. It felt good looking in to his blue eyes, hearing his low tone voice, having him care for me. And then he kissed me, and touched me and left some marks on me. Not just the bruises, but the fact that my first kiss only ment something to me cuts my soul, and even the cuts on my arms aren't enough to show it, and there is no spot uncut on both of my arms.   
I told him we were good but i just couldn't stand talking to him or seeing him anymore knowing my first kiss was "meaningless" to him. Remembering he made me feel like he wanted it but the fact is his just a straight guy who was high and done stupid things. But to me…  
I didn't want to admit it to myself before things happened, but now it's clear to me that i have strong feelings for him. And now here i am completely ignoring him, ignoring everyone, ignoring everything and just walk in my favourite place in the whole town. This park has its own ways to comfort me. The darkness holds me with its cold arms and keeps my head from racing through my harsh memories.   
I barely even ate since the day i left louis house, my mom tried to get me to eat but i just couldn't keep anything down. Gemmas painful sarcasm wasn't helping at all. And it only got worse when she saw my my neck.   
"you found a fag like yourself harry?" "mom don't try to feed him his pregnant" "who was more worthless than you to do that to your neck?" so if i wanna rate the hurtful thing in my passed few days, i honestly don't know who to put first. The guy i want but is straight, the sister who hates me, or the mom who just doesn't care at all! I mean she could talk to her, she could defend me, she could just tell her to shut up, but all she ever does is to ignore it like are lives are just some random reality show. 

I've been walking pointlessly since i got out of house this morning, but time seems to be frozen. Its still midday and im sick of walking and thinking how much i hate my entire life.  
I finally give up on walking and sit on a bench, taking a look at my phone i see i got two more massages from louis  
"your not gonna answer me, are you?" 12:30  
"ok. I won't bother you anymore" 12:43  
Something about the text made me feel so bad. I couldn't hold back anymore. I didn't want him to give up but, its two days passed and he tried to reach out. As a friend tho! But i couldn't stand that so i ignored him. But now that his letting go im feeling empty inside. I don't want him to let go. I can't have him letting go...  
"louis?" i texted him though I still wasn't ready to face him or letting my walls down. But i just had to do something on my behalf   
"harry?" Louis   
Thankfully he answered immediately, like he was still waiting for my text,which means he hadn't let go yet…

Pov louis  
The five minutes between my final text to harry and when he finally answered felt like hell.the bench that i was sitting on was so hard and so cold, too many birds were tweeting above my head, the wind was making too much sound in the trees behind me and thinking that harry wouldn't answer were pissing me off. But then finally i hear the glorious sound of my phone   
"louis?" harry  
"harry?" me  
I couldn't help answering as soon as i got it and since i did it before i think i replied with the stupidest thing i could say.  
"can we talk?" harry  
"that's what I've been trying to do in the passed two days!!" me  
"i know im sorry" harry  
"are you good?" me  
"depends on how you define good!!" harry  
"have you cut your arms again?"  
"…" harry  
Those three dots scared the hell out of me. That was the only thing ive been wishing and praying that hadn't happen, it was completely my fault. I wish i could go back in time and take back what i said. It wasn't a lie, but it still hurted harry. God im such an idiot   
"don't worry about it" harry  
"fuck harry how can i??" me  
"it doesn't matter ok?? Can we change the subject?" harry  
"harry im really sorry for that day" me  
"yea im sorry it happened too" harry  
"i didn't mean the things that happened i mean the things I said" me  
"why?? It was true anyway" harry  
Here comes the awkward part where i don't know what the hell should i say. His right but i don't want to hurt him again and i can't lie either. I need things fixed, i want him back and i don't even know why it's so important to me. But some part of me couldn't take harrys hate towards me.  
"harry i honestly care about you, a lot, and i really didn't mean to hurt you" me  
" YOU didn't hurt me" harry  
" damn it harry, than what did??" me  
"whatever im going through was my own fault" harry  
"i just wanted to say i didn't want to hurt you thats all" me  
"louis we're good. It's real this time. Sorry i ignored you. See you tomorrow at school" harry

Third person pov:  
That was the final text harry sent him. If they would continue any further harry had to confess his feelings for Louis and that, to harrys idea, would push louis farther away from him.   
Louis in the other hand was left in numbness. He didn't know what to feel or what to do. At that point he didn't care about anything or anyone. His phone would go off every 3 minutes but he didn't care to even look to see who it was. Who else could it be other than Eleanor? He was suppose to cancel it somehow that wouldn't hurt her but he just didn't care if she would hate him and never want to speak to him again.  
Poor girl felt ditched. She went to louis friends asking them if they saw him or not and she end up finding out that he left school early.   
Zayn tried to explain on Louis behalf, telling her that he didn't feel really good and he wanted to tell her, but she was still mad about it. Her long time crush was dragging her around and she just couldn't have that.  
only if she knew what was going on in Louis head right now…  
He was sitting alone in the empty park in silence looking blankly ahead trying to sort out his mind.  
But… what was in his mind? At that moment there was everything swimming in circles of nothingness. A zillion things but nothing to think about. There was emotions, thoughts, doubts, gusses… yet still a great load of emptiness that didn't let him to concentrate on any of those. It was like he was being reloaded. 

Harry in the other hand had his face in his palms. He knew exactly what was bothering him. Louis said he cared about him. But he knew what it ment. Only a good friend. He didn't need that. Right now he only needed something to calm his mind. why did louis care if he cuts anyway? Why does louis care? Louis was someone harry used to hate. Why was he the only thing he could think of lately? Why did he want to feel him again.? 

Harry styles needed louis tomlinson near him so bad it hurted him inside. But only if he knew   
Louis tomlinson only needed to see harry so he could sort out his mind. But he didn't know either  
neither of them knew that right behind them behind the row of trees the one they need is sitting and wishing the other was beside them now.  
But in the oblivious of each other, both went out to seek comfort in other things   
One in smokes and the other in sharp blades…


	11. Safety

9:15 pm, showed louis clock. Seemed like that horrible day didn't want to come to an end. he couldn't stand his nerve wrecking stepfather who were doing all he could to remind him the fact that just because he was the son of his wife, doesn't mean he was a member of this family. And his mother who ignored all the sarcasm shooting towards his only son. Even his adorable sisters couldn't help to keep him at the dinner table, so he finally excused himself to his bedroom and now he was bored to death, lying on his back staring the the roof listening to the sound of angry thunder and the wiled rain pouring against his window.  
He tried to sleep but his mind wouldn't shut up about the fact that he was spoused to call Eleanor and apologise. It wasn't too late to call now but he didn't know what to say. "hello El, how are you? Sorry for today i was kinda sad about being avoided by harry so i had to ditch you without an excuse, so how about another date? Maybe i don't act like an asshole then?!!" for some reason he just didn't want to make it up to her, maybe it was better if she hated him, maybe it was better to ruin this one too. She was a good girl, she deserved better!  
A hard nock on his window cut him off of his thoughts, it was a big shock since none of his friends would show up from the window.  
Carefully he opened the curtains to see who it was, and he just couldn't believe what he saw..  
*************  
An hour earlier   
Harry was sitting still on the floor of the parks mens room. His cuts had finally stopped bleeding, and the blood had gotten dry on his sleeves. Both his arms were covered with sharp cuts. He still wasn't pleased with what he have done. He needed to spill things out. Even cutting wasn't calming him down anymore. he still felt so filled up with everything. He didn't know what to do or where to go, and home was just not an option. He got up from the floor and looked at himself in the mirror.   
"you look pathetic!" he told himself full of loath. His eyes looked puffy and red, his skin pale like a ghost. He hated himself for being so weak, so fragile, he hated his life for keep putting him in the same heartbreaking situation. He hated himself for falling so easy. But most of all he hated the fact that he couldn't man up and tell louis how he feels so he would stop wanting to be around him. Maybe he had to do that so everything gets fucked up for good. He hated that too but it was still better than pretending to be friends. He could take this one as a good period of time, and he knew better that good things won't last.  
"fine!" he mattered under his breath, finally deciding to tell him, and he would do it right now.

Present time  
Pov louis

"harry? What the hell are you doing here???? Come on in, your freezing!!" i said completely shoked to see him like that. He was wet and his skin looked blueish like a corps. Looking down at him i saw his sleeves covered in blood, hoping and praying it won't be new. I gently held him, helping him to come in. I sat him down on my bed trying to take his wet clothes off.  
"louis stop" he said with a hoarse tone, almost emotionless.   
"but you're freezing"  
"i don't care"  
"harry stop being an idiot and take your wet clothes off now"  
I demanded, so done with his stubborn act, Thankfully it worked. He got up and took his hoddie and tee-shirt off   
"here, happy now??"  
"pants too"   
I was satnding in front of him crossed arms with a sassy face. He rolled his eyes and did what i asked him and took his pants off.  
I didn't know what i was getting myself into. He was standing in front of me with only boxers on and i couldn't stop staring at him. I thought weed was taking control of me last time i saw him naked, but this time i was completely on my right mind. Or was i?   
My staring were getting a bit obvious. Harry were looking at me in confusion waiting for me to say or do something.  
"right!" i said rushing to my drawer to give him some clothes not sure if my clothes would fit him at all.  
After a few minutes of searching i found a big sweater and a baggy pants. While i gave them to him i noticed his fresh cuts. That was the moment when i felt like i wanted to be dead and not feel this shitty guilt that was killing me inside. He noticed the way i was looking at his arms "louis its not a big deal, get over it!" he said with an emotionless tone making me want to rip his tongue out. I was having none of it "shut the fuck up harry" i yelled, so sure everyone would rush to my room anytime now but i didn't care "harry you have to stop this!! Don't you see? It's not helping at all, this is ruining you look at yourself! Look what have you done to yourself! does it worth it??" i was shouting every word at him but he was just standing there with my clothes in his hand and a blank expression on his face which was pissing me off even more.  
I heard a nock on my door. " louis is everything alright?" said my mom from behind the door. Obviously my shouting was loud enough for everyone to hear. Harry swiftly tried to wear the clothes i gave him in case she comes in, which she did after not getting any respond.   
She walked in and saw us standing in the middle of my room, harry, with wet hair and my clothes, me, with a hand on my forehead trying not to explode . "oh, hello, im sorry i didn't know you were here!" i shook my head,it was the worst time for my mo to pretend like she cares! "mom its fine you can leave" she frowned "but i never met this friend of yours!"   
Knowing harry i knew how he should be feeling after cuttung so much and feeling awful, his in no mood to meet and greet. And so far i was right, he just looked down waiting for me to say something on his behalf . "this is harry now you know him"  
Pov harry :  
I had no idea what was going on, why couldn't i say a single word to his mom, she should be thinking that im a freak by now, just like everyone else. All i could do was to just stare at the floor waiting as louis and his mom arguing over me, praying to god that she doesn't speak directly to me.   
Louis"mom everythings fine, nothing to interesting here!"  
He said as he walked his mom towards the door. Hopefully she was leaving, but at the last moment she turned around "nice to meet you harry" she said with a smile and all i could do was just a simple nod of my head. How rude of me...

After she left Louis sat down on his bed waiting for me to join him, which i did since i knew i had no other choice. I couldn't stand the burning sensation i felt from his glare, his blue eyes were looking at my face with such concern that i never saw from anyone after i came out, but this was too much. I didn't want him to care for me, i didn't want him to look at me like that, i didn't want anything from him! But who am i fooling? I wanted every single one of them, in fact i needed them, all of them, even more.   
A few moments passed in silence, until i broke it with a loud sob…  
My tears were streaming down my face like a waterfall, i hade no control on them, i didn't even know why was i crying, but somehow i just couldn't stop it.   
I felt his arm slowly wrapping themselves around my body placing my head on his shoulder and gently stroking my back "shhshhsh harry, calm down, everythings ok. Everything gonna be ok, just calm down"   
Me" nothing ginna be ok, everything only gets worse, im pathetic! I deserve to die, i want to die!! Why am i still breathing?? Im just a waste of oxygen!! "  
Louis" shut the fuck up harry!! What is these nonsense that your saying!!?? What have gotten in to your foolish head??"  
Me " don't!! Just don't!! "  
Louid" don't what????"  
I said as i freed myself from his embrace,   
"don't be gentle to me, don't care about me, just dont..." i wiped my face "louis im a mess! I can't be fixed, everything in my life is a mess, my feeling are so twisted, i can't live like this, i don't want to live anymore, i don't want you to get involved with me i don't want you to know about my feelings, i just want you to get away from me, like that i can think that you knew how i was and wanted to be my friend, i don't want to think that i told you how i feel and you ran away from me"  
Louis was silent the whole time, he had every right to be! What could he say? That its ok that you have feelings for me? Oh pleas!!   
I stood up to leave, but he grabbed my hand and said "harry hold on. This won't work, being away from you only makes you worse, it won't help! I don't mind at all, in fact i can even help you get over it!"  
Me"how ha?? How? Its not possible, don't worry about me, don't waste your time worrying about me, i don't deserve it, and i don't need pity, you and i both know nothing gonna work, you just need to be away from me if you wish to have a calm life"  
Louis " harry no, i won't let you be on your own" he lifted up my arms "i won't let you do this anymore, im here with you,your just stupid enough to not notice i care about you!! Your not just some new person in my life that i can simply just walk away from your situation, and its not pity you fool, i fuckin care about you so shut up and let me take care of you, I'll alway take care of you"   
I shoke my head but before i could say anything i found myself in his arms again, it felt so right, so sweet, why couldn't this be another way? I couldn't say anything else after what he said, he made me feel safe, i was just so broken, that even tho i knew i should just let it go, i let him be a shelter to me...

Louis pov  
Hopefully he was convinced to do as i told him, i couldn't stand the fact that he were doing all of this to himself, somehow i cared about him more than i should, but i did. I cared about him so much that i didn't even mind him liking me like that, i could help him get over it,I'd be with him through it, its better this way.  
After the hug i took him to my bed and helped him sleep, i slept beside him since he didn't take much space on the bed. That moment i would do anything i could to make him feel better.

From that day everything started to be calm again, just like how things were before. I never left harrys side through the school time but i made sure not to do anything to make him feel the feelings he had for me, i made things up with Eleanor and took her on a proper date, shes a very good girl but i still don't feel as i should around her, i have to tell her before its too late, but as for now its cool.  
Days passed calm and cool, harry was getting better, he still cuts but not as much as before, i could make him smile from time to time, it had become a mission for me, to see the cute dimples on his cheeks when he smiles. I have no idea why, but those dimples made me happy!   
My parents were being more annoying than ever and that was the only thing that was still wrong in my life, my stepdad was a pain in my ass and my mom did nothing about it, he was trying to keep girls away from me! My sisters! He said that i was a bad role model for them …   
The strange thing is that i couldn't even take out my anger on anyone, i couldn't pick a fight with kids at school or in the streets or with anyone at all!!! Not that i didn't want to, but i felt bad doing so! Talking to harry calmed me down for some unknown reason, but when i wasn't with him everything irritated me.  
Until one day it exploded, and the explosion was on the only one who was causing it all.   
We were sitting at the dinner table like always, i had nothing to say so i was just eating in silence listening to girls being cheerful about their day, they were the only reason i gladly bared my stepfather and my ignorant mom at the table,   
Lottie "daddy, me and fizzy wanted to ask you if its ok for us to stay at our friends house this weekend"   
Fizzy "yea daddy can we go please pleaaase?"   
She said with an adorable gesture that made me want to pinch her rosie cheek.   
Mark " which one?"  
Lottie " its miranda, and its not only us, some of our other friends are going too"  
Mark "Mrs andrews girl? But her house is so far away and i have to work this weekend and your mom already promissed her sister to be with her since Friday night"  
Fizzy"Louis can take us!"   
Lottie "yea louis can drive us there"  
I smiled and nod to girls admiring the sparkle in their eyes as i agreed to take them, but the shithead of stepfather of mine decided it was the best time to fuck with me, "i don't think thats safe honey" he said with a smug face that made me wanna punch him right across the face   
"pardon me?" i said trying to stay calm for the sake of my sisters, looking at my mom to see what her reaction was and i wasn't surprised when i saw she just kept on eating her dinner.   
Mark " oh nothing louis i just wanna make sure my girls don't get involved in a car accident causing by a drunk driver, its safe for you as well you won't be getting in to trouble"   
Me"what is your bloody problem with me??"   
Mark "whatch your mouth boy!!" he yelled at me making me lose whatever i was holding these passed few days "who are you to speak to me like that?? You cant call me whatever you want, your not my father, you can't speak to me like that in front of my sisters " i yelled back causing girls to quit eating and looking at me with wonder and pure concern in their eyes knowing how their father would react, but i didn't care, i had enough of the shit he was giving me  
He stood up from his chair "your living under my roof, you drunk little cockroach, least you could do was to show some respect"  
I stood up as well watching him eye to eye "where is your respect to me?? Im your wifes son! "  
My mom got up too obviously mad at me "that enough louis go to your room"   
Me"what if i don't? "   
Mark "that is not how you talk to your mother! "   
Me" who are you to tell me how to talk?"  
That was when a sharp hard salp came towards my face making the edge of my lip bleed, causing the girls to gasp out of fear and surprise. Lottie frowned "dad stop! He did nothing wrong!" mark shot her an angry glare "don't defend him!! Don't you see how disrespectful he is?" little twins were just too scared to talk, i could see it in their faces. My poor sisters, i sometimes wonder how a man like that could have girls as good as these!  
Fizzy backed lottie up "dad he just agreed to take us to our friends house, he doesn't deserve this"  
"thats ok girls."I looked back at him and smiled "you just showed your daughters what a wiled, mad man you are, yet you call me the drunk!" i wiped the blood off my mouth with the napkin on the table "lovely dinner time mom, your ignorance is keeping you young" i trow the napkin in my half empty plate, mark was burning with rage "only if you weren't johannas son i would trow you out of my house like a pice of trash that you are"   
Me" theres not much of a difference between us then" with that i stormed out to my room.  
I didn't care about anything else, i just wanted to kill that son of a bitch. I couldn't even act like i didn't care, i did! I wish i could just leave, i wish i had somewhere to go, i couldn't take this anymore, it was too much.  
I took my phone to text harry, maybe he could calm me down.   
"hi.." me  
I don't know what to say, didn't have anything to say! I just wanted to get my head off of everything else, maybe he has something to say.  
After a few moments i heard the beep. Thankfully he wasn't sleep yet.  
"hey lou." harry  
Huh... Great! what a good conversation starter!  
"how r u?" me  
"eh.. U?" harry  
"eh 2 ;)" me  
"why? Something happened? " harry  
"nah, everythings fine...(im lying)"me  
I don't know why i said that. I just said it without thinking. I didn't want him to feel sorry for me or anything, maybe i just wanted to know if he cares, not sure why i cared if he cares!!  
"do u want to talk about it? " harry  
"no..." me   
"u want me to come over? I can climb up to your room again " harry  
"would u?" me  
"yea, be there in a bit" harry  
"c u :)"me  
Now i feel much much better, i think harry was made of morffin or something! Whatever he is im just so glad to have him. 

Pov harry  
I didn't think he would want me to be at his home anymore after i told him how i felt. The thing is he reacted so different from the way i thought he would. Actually it would be so much easier if he would react like that! Things would be done and i would go back to the way i was, miserable! Not that i don't like being around him, but its hard to deny my feelings, so far to forget about them! Funny he said "he would help me get over them" like this is anywhere near possible!! Being friends with the hottest guy in school, having him care for me, having strong feelings for him, not to mention everything was getting stronger every day, yet he expected me to get over them, huh...right!  
Without even noticing it i got to louis house, climed up to his window, letting him know i was there with three knocks on the window. I was worried about him. Standing in the balcony till he noticed me took forever!  
he opened up with a smily face "shhh don't want anyone to know your here" he said with a low tone almost wispering. I nod and walked in, sitting bed waiting for him to join, which he did after closing the window. The lights were off but the street light outside were lightening the room enough to see louis eyes, bright blue, shining like diamonds but clouded with something i couldn't tell. He was upset about something he didn't tell me, but i could see it all over his face.   
"so... Don't you wanna tell me whats wrong?" i said with the same low tone, he looked down gave me a bitter smile "never mind just forget about it" i act on my instincts and put my hand on his, looking straight in his deep blue eyes "lou whatever this is you can tell me, even if i can't help, i can at least listen" his eyes travelled to our hands making me notice that this was a wrong move, but the sensation of having his hand in mine was too good to let go of, but i had to move my hand if i didn't want to make an awkward situation out of this.  
"you know its just... Its about my stepfather, his making my life a living hell and I never said anything and just bared it till tonight. I just couldn't handle him anymore he was being so annoying and i just exploded " he looked up to me again and i noticed a small scar at the edge of his lip. It was so small but still made me feel horrible to see it. I instantly reacted again and touched his lip. "he did this?" i asked not moving my eyes from his lips. He nodded with a chuckle "he thought he could show my sisters how miserable i am"   
"son of a bitch" i said without thinkind and regretted it right away "sorry " he laughed at me for saying that "don't be sorry harold, his an asshole" well yea he was!   
"whats his problem with you?"  
"he thinks im not good enough for his perfect little family "  
"and what does your mom think?"  
"huh!! My mom... Well she couldn't agree more, she just doesn't care about me, all she cares about is her husband"   
Hearing that was pinful, almost as painful as the moment my sister start hating me!  
I didn't know what to say, i was just looking at him, "it doesn't matter, im used to that, i just can't stand Him anymore! And now he wants to keep me away from my sisters "  
"you know i never met your sisters, i don't really know what they're like"   
"i have four sisters, the most beautiful little girls on earth" talking about them made him happy, he just couldn't stop smiling when he was telling me about them, it made me smile seeing him like that, i never realised how beautiful he looked when he was happy about something, maybe i just haven't seen him this bright before, his eyes were shining, his lips were moving in perfect shapes, i watched his lips move but i couldn't hear a word he was saying, i was just so blown away with his charms, i just wanted to kiss him so bad, it was almost hard to resist.   
"...and she asked me to take her and fizzy to their friends house this weekend and that was how the argument started at dinner... Uh...harry?" oh damn i was staring to obvious. Shit! I shoke my head "yea,.. You were saying"  
He smiled "you sure you heard what i was saying?" i faked a joking face "of course i heard, what else was i doing than??" we both laughed a little until i realised he was poking my face with a goofy face   
"louis... What are you doing? "  
"im poking your dimples "  
"but why?"  
"they are cute, thats all, sorry "  
I chuckled "now why are you sorry??"  
"cause i made you feel uncomfortable"  
"no i just wanted to know why!!"  
An awkward silent took over the room, i couldn't stand it i could tell that neither could he. I decided to break the silent "so... What are you gonna do about him?"  
He tossed himself on the bed lying on his back "i don't know... I wish i had somewhere to go, you know, like leave and never come back, but…"   
I layed down beside him "yea me too…"   
He turned to his side looking at me "hey harry?"  
"yeah?"  
"have you ever thought about running away?"  
I turned looking back at him "every single day! Why?"  
He looked down again "nothing just wondering "  
"you know you don't have to have a place to go to! You can always start a new life where no one can find you"  
"but you'd still be alone "  
"there are so many people to get friends with"  
"what about the ones you have here?"  
With that i start to wonder... Would i leave now that i had someone like him? Could i?  
I smiled "i only have one, and im sure he would be better off without me!!" i said with a joking expression, he looked up at me "he won't…" he said almost like he was really worried what if i were to run away  
"then i won't go" his eyes were something i couldn't describe in words, they were like some kind of promise. You could look in to them and know that everything is fine in the world even though it wasn't.   
After a few moments of looking in to eachothers eyes, louis got up "we should get to sleep, we gotta go to school tomorrow " i nod and got up,he walked to his drawer and gave me the same clothes he gave me the other time i was here, seems like these are the only thing from his clothes that i can fit in. I changed without caring if he watches or not, but the awkward part was the time he wanted to change in to his pyjama pants. I looked away not wanting to stare but my eyes kept on going back to him! He also took his shirt off, oh great he was about to sleep without any shirt on!! Seams like its going to be a hard night for me!!  
"you take the bed ill sleep on the ground " he said while taking some extra pillows, showing me his perfect abs and his hot tattoos "no, i don't mind sleeping on the ground " he paused a few moments then said "or we could just share the bed, you know.. Like the last time you climbed to my room like a wet kitten" he said laughing at his own idiotic joke making my heart almost stop, what was he thinking? Dude? Have you forgot? I have feelings for you here! Hello!!! I was screaming these words inside but all i could do was blush, i mean, yea we shared the bed before but, both times i had cried too much to notice anything, thank god the room wasn't bright enough for louis to see my blush. "no its fine" WHAT??? Why did i say that?? Harry you idiot!!   
He smiled and got in to bed on the left side, waiting for me to join him, harry just don't do anything awkward!   
I got under the covers with him trying not to do anything awkward, how could i?? The whole thing was just too awkward for gods sake!! "you're comfy?"  
"uhom" i said trying so hard to keep my hands to myself.   
"alright then, goodnight harry"  
"goodnight lou"   
He closed his eyes to sleep, he looked so peaceful and calm. I couldn't take my eyes off of him but i knew if i stare for too long i might get cought!! So i tried to get some sleep as well, i closed my eyes hoping and praying to gods above that this is just a sweet dream.

Pov louis  
6:00 sharp.   
I didn't even want to open my eyes, but my stupid phone wouldn't shut up, i hate the sound of my alarm so much. What kind of an idiot would choose a rooster sound for an alarm???   
I tried to shut my phone up with one hand and my eyes still close, and when i did i put my hand back around harrys back keeping him close. Ok wait, WHAT??   
I opened my eyes to find myself in a very odd situation with harry. How the hell did we get like this???? The last time we cuddled, he was crying like a baby, but now it was weird! He had his forhead against my neck and his hand around my waist and his left leg between my legs, and i had my both hands around him, holding him like a teddy bear! Surprisingly it felt so comfortable that i didn't even want to move away so far to get up! He was so peaceful in my arms, just like a baby. I moved my hand down from his back under his shirt rubbing the skin there with the tip of my fingers. His skin felt so soft and warm, i wanted more, i don't know why but i just wanted to touch him so bad, moving my hand carefully under his shirt getting more of his sckin under my palm, i hoped that he doesn't wake up any time soon. His curly hair were tickling under my chin, suddenly he nibbled at my colar bone and tightened his grip on my waist and lifted his leg up to my crotch letting out a low moan. Oh god, was he dreaming or something? My evil side decided to lead him on, even though i hardly believed that i shouldn't do this, i knew this was wrong on so many levels, i still grinded my hip slowly to his, rubbing our crotchs together. I knew this was working from the was harrys fingers dipped a little on my hip. This time he grinded on me making me feel his semi hard cock. Damn...   
I should stop this, i should get out of bed right now before he wakes up and feels awkward about this and blame himself. I should stop this, i was the one who promised him that I'd help him get over his feelings!!   
carefully trying to get out of his tight grip i almost woke him up, but almost… he groaned and turned the other side, but didn't wake up, thankfully he was in deep sleep. Good. i just go to bathroom and come back and wake him up for school. Sounds like a plan...   
But not long after i went to take a piss, i realised that i also was semi hard!! Fuck! When did that happen? Why the hell was i getting hard to rubbing myself on harry??  
The memories of our last incident flashed through my mind. We were high and we did everything we could... But... I wasn't ashamed of it! I thought id be having a cringe attack remebering them but they were just helping my semi hard dick turn hard completely!!   
What the hell is wrong with me??? Snap out of it lou!! I splashed some cold water to my face and tried to cool down, take a piss, brush my teeth, and normally get out of bathroom. "don't think about harry, picture mark naked, fuck eww thats even worse than my grandma!!" i wispered to myself thankfully mark was working magic to cool Me down.  
When i got back to the room harry was awake And dressed, sitting on the Bed .  
"good morning Harold " i tried to Be cheerful pretending that nothing happened at all. He looked at me ,his face were pale , as if he was scared or Something .  
"good morning lou"  
"you ok ? You look pale!"  
He just nodded and Got up from the bed and Went straight to the window "hey Look, i go to School see you there ok?" he said with a rushed expression like he was running away from Me . I Frowned "why? Wait up i change And We go together , we can grab a coffee in our way"   
"nah its fine, i never eat breakfast , you go get your breakfast , see you at school " at that point i knew i shouldn't argue and let him be, i didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable or anything . So i just faked a smile "OK harry, see you at school " with that he just nodded and disappeared to the window . I think he knew what was going on , fuck , and its all my fault !!   
I let out a small sigh to this thouts, i should fix this today! But as for now maybe i should just give him a little space …


	12. Love is a losing game

Pov louis  
I didn't' actually got a chance to talk to him at the school. I saw him going to his class,and once spotted him at the locker room,but Zayn and michael decided to be clingy little shits all day, since they believed im taking distance from them, and Eleanor was talking non stop about anything and everything! Now i believe what harry said, I wasn't even listening to her, i have no idea what was wrong with me but even when i wasn't worrying about harry i couldn't pay attention to her. She was sweet but like all the girls she just talked too much and cared too much and everything about her was just too much! She was talking about cats or something when i saw harry heading to the bathroom.  
Eleanor: "so i told cat to join me but.."  
Me:" im sorry El i need to be somewhere.I'll talk to you later ok?" i cut her off, seeing the complete disappointment on her face, but i couldn't bring myself to care, she just nodded politely while i gave her a quick peck on her lips and left.  
I entered the bathroom, harry was standing in front of the mirror ,bending on the sink with his hands on it's sides, "harry?" i called out making him jump a little, he looked at me with a blank face for a brief moment and then looked away, splashing some water to his face  
Harry:"hey louis"  
Me:"are you ok?"  
Harry:" im fine, how are you? "  
Me: "you don't look fine."  
Harry:"im fine louis. Just have to go back to the class"  
Me:" its lunch time!"  
He looked up again and shook his head "right..." with a fake smile he tried to run away, going straight for the door when i grabbed his arm. To my surprise he reacted instantly pulling his arm out of my grasp like he was facing someone he loathed morally! I was just standing there with my mouth hang open when it hit him. He just sighed and looked down again "sorry " almost too low for me to miss.  
Me:"harry whats wrong? "  
Harry:"nothing lou, just leave it, I'll talk to you later"  
He tried to leave again, but i was too pissed off with all this act. This time i grabbed him by the hoodie and shoved him to the wall like i used to do with the other people in the school when i was pissed at my family. Placing my hands on the sides of his head positioning my face a few inches from his, watching his blank face fill with fear, watching me with his emerald eyes wide open,He frowned,"what the hell louis? Let me go"  
Me:" what have gotten into you?"  
He suddenly got equally as pissed off as i was,"you have gotten into me you asshole!!" wow that was uncalled for!  
Harry:"is this a fucking game to you? To care about me and tell me you'll help me get over my feelings for you, while you're making it worse purposely?" he lowered his voice a bit "do you find it funny to rub yourself to me while im sleeping in your bed, were you counting how much it would take to get me hard?" thank fuck no one was in bathroom to hear these things, shit... He did notice everything. It all was a bad idea, i shouldn't have done that and i knew it. But something deep inside me was making me say "yes Harry this is a game, and im playing a part in it as much as you do, my sexual desires are playing me, as much as your emotions are playing you" and it was true. Finally admitting them to myself ,then yes ,i had strong sexual desires for this curly boy in front of me, it was surprising me too. I wasn't gay or bi or anything but this boy just gave me a boner this morning.  
That was when it came to me. It could be a game, both of us could play knowingly, he just had to agree to it, and i knew exactly how to challenge him.  
A smirk formed on my face and suddenly i closed the gap between us and placed my lips on his. A bit forceful but passionate and fast, moving my lips against his. urging him to open his mouth, it didn't take much time to get him to loosen up. For a few moments he moved his lips with mine as passionately as i was, but then he pushed me away with all his might, making me hit the sink behind me hard. It was so damn painful but i couldn't help but laugh.  
Pov harry  
I had no idea where was all this coming from. Was this the same caring louis? Or all of that was a big prank? How could he kiss me and then laugh at me? I could feel the tears burning at the back of my eyes, but no way in hell i would let them show. "You're sick!" that was all i could say as i tried to leave again, but he grabbed me by the shoulder again and placed me back where i was, against the wall with his hands back on the sides of my head. "where do you think you're going? " i was having non of it, i slapped his hands away and pushed him again but not as hard, just enough to make some space between us, this was getting so intense, he grasped at my collar and got me as close as i was to him a second ago. "stop this act and let me talk to you" he said with a low tone "by talking you mean harassing?" i pushed him again, this was making me lose it. But He was more stubborn then i thought, he grabbed the back of my head pulling me close again, placing his forehead against mine. This time he was grabbing me so hard that not only i wasn't able to me but i was sure that it's going to bruise.  
"listen harry, i know what you're thinking, but it wasn't like this till a day ago. I have no idea how this shit got into me, but I wasn't playing you! I mean this shit is playing me too! You have emotional feelings for me and i get it, i didn't want to do anything to lead you on or anything else that hurts you, but i came to notice that i have sexual desires for you and its not a joke! I don't even have this feelings for Eleanor! I do like girls, but you're something different. " it was too hard for me to wrap my head around the things he was saying, but then i remembered the hot blowjob session we had a while back! He loosened his hand on my neck "we don't have to make it complicated, this can be only a game. We can be just friends who do sexual things with each other." i frowned and slapped his hand away but this time i didn't leave.  
"what are you saying? Ignore my feelings and just have sex with you?" i won't lie, i did consider it. It could happen, it was damn so tempting as well. "no thanks" but that was the only respond i could give him,my emotions are not toys. It was my ego or anything else , i just said no. And with that i walked to the bathroom door without any hand to stop me, but "harry..." i could hear the desperate attempt of him trying his one last chance to stop me from leaving. I willingly stopped at the door. My thoughts racing wildly, a part of me wanted to stick to my ego, but a stronger part of me wanted to let him fuck me right there against the sink.  
"a game you say?" i said without turning around, jus briefly looking back "it won't ruin anything in our friendship" he said, still with his desperate tone. "lets see who losses first then" i said finally hoping i was convincing enough. And with that i left.  
I didn't feel like staying at school, i just wanted to be somewhere quite and think about my decision. I just hope it wasn't a dumb one...

Pov louis

"who losses first "!!! I couldn't stop thinking about it. What did he mean by that? He acted so tense, like any touch from me made him cringe. I understood why he was like that, but still... It felt off somehow, like any time he pushed me away, the rejection... I really can't tell, but, its like it hurt me. And what he said at the end, felt like a battle, not a game!  
Louis you idiot! I mentally face palmed myself, how could i be so stupid! Of course it couldn't be a game! Harry had emotional feelings for me! I wasn't thinking about it then but now, its so clear to me, why he acted like that. I never ment to hurt him. All i asked was to loosen up a bit, and just go with whatever there is to go with. He never had sex with anyone, and i never had sex with any boy. We could be with each other without any complications, it was win win if you looked at it my way! And that's only because i don't have the feelings that harry has! Harry is an emotional kid, and i never felt anything for anyone! If harry is physically virgin i am emotionally a virgin.  
Maybe thats what he ment! "lets see who losses first"...


	13. Games on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...i wanted to add this to the previous chapter but it was a bit odd! So heres a mini chapter, hope u like it

Pov louis  
Firday night. The longest night in the history of my long nights. Since after the fight i had with mark, i refused to sit with them at the table, it was only yesterday but still! Not for the breakfast, at least!! And now it was dinner time and i was still in my room, and i was planning to stay here all night.  
Nock nock  
Part of me hoped it be from the window but, it was my door.  
"lou bear" i heard my sisters angelic voice coming from behind the door  
"come on in lottie" i said with a gentle voice welcoming her to my lonely room!  
The door slowly opened and lottie walked in, along side with my other sister fizzy. They came in with a smile and sat beside me on my bed  
Me: shouldn't you two be having dinner?  
Fizzy: shouldn't you be there with us?  
Lottie nodded and followed her younger sibling: yea you didn't have breakfast with us either  
I laughed: im not hingry girls! You go get your food if you don't want to stay this skinny! " i mocked trying to make them go nack to dinner table  
Lottie: but twins said they won't touch their food unless you be there too!  
Fizzy: yea neither do we!!  
I frowned "you can't be serious! "  
Lottie: we are dead serous!! We can stay here with you all night,!  
Fizzy: yea we can even ask phoebe and daisy to join us! They are kinda not talking to dad after what happened last night though!!  
I laughed again, harder this time. My sisters were just too adorable for my sake!! They were the only people who actually had my back at home.  
Lottie looked furious with my laughing, i could see the rage in her beautiful face. "ok it's your call then " she said with a sassy tone then shouted "phoebe... Daisy...come upstairs... " "ok ok im coming" i surrendered finally knowing i had no chance against them. If there was one thing we had in common it was our stubbornness that we all got from our mother.  
I walked down with them to the dinner table where the little twins were ready to jump off and come up to my room but the only cheared in happiness when they saw me coming. My mom gave me a fake smile and guestered towards my plate of food, which was stake and veggies. And mark only looked up and shot a glare, which was making me lose it again. My lip was still wounded and i could still feel the burning words he shot at me. So he better keep his mouth shut, tonight or i won't stop myself from hitting the shit out of him.  
I sat at the table beside lottie, fizzy and little twins were in front of us, and mom were sitting at the other side of lottie near mark.  
Phoebe: im glad you came lou bare, me and daisy wanted to bring our food to your room.  
Daisy: yea, we didn't want you to be alone  
Louis: what kind of big brother would i be if i let my little sisters leave the dinner table?  
They giggled adorably making me smile so wide that my cheeks hurt.  
Mom: so louis you are taking girls to their friends house tomorrow?  
Wow, i didn't expect my mom to talk to me nicely after last night, but somehow she were actually being gentle!  
Me: yea, if im allowed to!  
I said sarcastically making mark look up to me again, but didn't say anything to me, instead he looked at fizzy and said "your going to stay there all weekend? "  
Fizzy: yea, their parents are home, and two of our other friends are coming two, my best friend alex and lotties friend lydia.  
Mark: if their parents are home, well thats good. I'll come get you on Sunday night.  
Both lottie and fizzy smiled with excitement and shot a meaningful look to me as a ' thank you '.  
And the rest of the night spent out in a calm, slow dinner time,. It was fizzys turn to tuck the little girls in tonight,i accompanied her since they just wouldn't let go of my hands. Fizzy got a little jealous of how much they like me, which only made me laugh and give her a kiss on her head.  
When i got to my room, i realised i had 3 text messages from harry  
Harry_21:13 :hey...  
Harry_21:16: I'll be at your house tomorrow night  
Harry_21:38: if you want me to of course!  
Great... So great! I texted him back  
Me_21:45: come at afternoon.  
Which i got an answer right away  
Harry_21:45: ok. Games on...  
I chuckled. He was right. The game is so damn on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh and i edited the previous chapters, all of them! They are better now i guess, so so sorry for all the mistakes i had.


	14. Love me, even if its fake...

Pov harry  
I have no idea what did i get myself into. Obviously i wasn't thinking at all. I actually agreed to have sex with him without thinking about my feelings. How could i say that?? How can i even kiss him without my heart racing ? And how the hell did i agree to making it a game?? A game?? Seriously?? Yea if i were like louis, only having sexual desires it would be a perfect game, but shit! How did i agree to put my emotions in this game?? I mean what makes me the winner or the loser? If i win, keep my emotions, i have to actually keep away from him for real this time, so i lose louis. If i lose, forget my feelings and keep it sexual, still it won't last, cause lets face it, the only boy he has that attractions for is me, and he is straight, so at one point he gets bored and leaves for a pretty girl! So at both situations, im the loser!!  
Knowing all that, i still agreed to do it! But a part of me said that, its not all bad! What part of having sex with louis Tomlinson can be bad? That dude looks like a model!! With his tanned skin and all those tattoos!!  
I got a text from Louis around 4 pm saying "girls are gone, im waiting 4 u ". And another text right after that " u don't have to climb the window! " it made me chuckle! Tho i knew i didn't have to, yet still it became a thing for me! Climbing up to louis bedroom...  
Here we go. Its official then. Im doing it.  
Pov louis  
Fifteen minutes after i texted harry, i heard a knock on my window. That idiot! I think i told him he didn't have to come in from the window!!  
I opened the window to see him standing there with his hands shoved into his pocket, his curls hanging loose on his face, looking hellish like always, making me want to attack his red plump lips. But he didn't give me time to do so as he did just that without a warning.  
He just crashed his lips to mine, holding me by the neck, walking us both to the middle of the room. The kiss was passionate, rushed, and lustful, making it almost impossible to move away from.  
"i think i told you, you don't have to climb to the window" i said, breathlessly breaking the kiss when i felt the need of air, looking in to his darkened eyes, "it was wasting time to walk all that way to your bedroom " he said, giving me a naughty smile. Oh my sweet lord! Who would have thought that the sweet innocent harry, can be this naughty all at once! I smiled back "so greedy for me harry"  
"oh shut up" with that he just attacked my lips again, his sweet plump lips moving so delicate against mine. A bit slower this time, but a lot more passionate. My hand acted as they had the mind of their own, finding their way under harry's shirt, up to his chest, feeling his soft hairless skin. He felt so hot, as if he was on fire. He was the death of me. My heart was beating so loud in my chest, like it was about to jump out. I never felt like this with anyone before, no one was ever able to make me this excited that harry could.  
I broke the kiss again, just enough to take his shirt off. My oh my. His broad shoulders, his collarbone, even the ridiculously big butterfly tattoo on his stomach looked hot like hell itself. He was a bit bigger than me in size, but the innocence, and youth in his beautiful face was the irony that was killing me inside out. I was about to lose my mind when he got close again, putting his lips on my neck this time, nibbling, and kissing, and biting at the skin there, slowly going up to my earlobe. Fuck, i felt like a girl being dominated by her crush for the first time, cause hell, everything surely did feel like the first time! Suddenly i grabbed him by the neck, making him back away from me a little, and then with a swift move i tossed him on my bed and hovered over him positioning my crotch on his,grinding down a little. He let out a small moan, almost like a whimper "louis..." fuck, he sounds so hot. I could feel him getting hard under me,so i did it again, harder this time. My hands were at the sides of his head on the pillow, my eyes fixed on his, my mouth hanged open to the fact that this boy made me so much hornier than any girl i ever been with!  
Harry's hands moved up under my shirt, going up slowly, and moving down again, dragging his nails on my skin making me whimper slightly. I placed my mouth on his neck and started to suck on his skin, wanting to leave a mark there, as soon as my mouth reached his skin, he let out a proper moan, making me reach full hardness. I couldn't get enough of him, keep grinding and sucking on his skin, from his neck down to his collarbone, leaving another mark there, and then his nipples. I could tell he was the most sensitive there since his nails started to dig in to my skin when i placed my lips on them. "fuck...louis..." he moaned my name again,driving me wild, i wanted to make him moan louder, his voice was the death of me. I sucked harder on his nipple, bighting it a little, liking it teasingly, it felt so damn good. His hands roamed back down on my hips, grabbing me hard and grinding up desperately "louis...i need you" he said with a lustful voice making me harder than i already was"how do you need me harry" i asked teasingly looking back up to his eyes  
"take your clothes off" he demanded with no patient ,tugging at the hem of my shirt. I didn't need to be asked twice, i did as i was told, taking my shirt off as i was sitting on his lap, he opened up my jean button and shoved his hands in my pants and grabbed my ass, squeezing it so hard i was sure it's going to bruise "fuck harry... " i couldn't keep it in anymore, i took my pants and boxers off as well. Now i was sitting there completely naked and hard. But i didn't want to be the only one who's naked, so i just went for his jeans, pushed it down alongside with his boxers. He was just as hard as i was, lying there in front of me, so horny and wanting. "what do you want now harry" i wanted to hear him say it, i wanted to teas him, i wanted to do a million things to him. I start kissing his hip bone, down to his crotch, so close to his cock but not there. "you...i want you" he moaned out every word so needy and desperate  
"how do you want me"i teased again as i licked my way down to his endless milky thighs.  
"louis...please " he tugged my hair a little trying to guide my head  
"please what" i knew exactly what he wanted but i wanted him to say it.  
"your mouth please, I'm so hard for you " and finally i got what i wanted, but i wasn't done with teasing him.  
I wrapped my hand around his cock and slowly placed my lips on the tip. Starting with wet kisses to nibbling and licking untill i heard his moans getting louder and his grasp on my hair getting tighter. "fuck louis... Please" damn, hearing him begging for it was so damn pleasing. With that i got on with it, entering harry's dick into my mouth, he was big for his age, this sixteen little shit had a really big cock! I don't remember the last time i did it so clearly, but now, without being stoned, sucking on him, weirdly, was so fucking good. I couldn't fit it all in, but i just couldn't get enough of it. As i fastened my movements, i could hear the little "uh"s scaping his mouth, he was having too much fun, "I'm so close" that was when i stopped, taking his cock out of my mouth, making a little pop sound with my lips. "you can't cum just yet" i said teasingly as i hovered over him again, sucking on his lower lip. His face changed from the desperate he was a second ago, to the naughty harry again. He grabbed my ass again and moved from under me, pushing me down so now he was on top. "you know you teased me so much" he said as he start kissing from my jaw line till down my neck, still having my ass in his hands "but im not as mean as you". That was the only warning he gave me when he suddenly wrapped his lips around my cock almost all the way down in his mouth. I could feel the tip of my cock hit the back of his throat. The sensation was just so sudden that made me moan so loud. He was so good with this. He was almost too good that made me wonder if he's lying about never doing it before! "fuck...harry...you're so good..." the fast movements of his head were pushing me over the edge, but just like i did ,he stopped right before i could cum.  
Pov harry  
Having his cock in my mouth was just so good to let go of. But i wanted to do something. I wanted to go all the way. I wanted to have it all with him. He was a moaning mess, i could tell he was about to cum, so i stopped. But still I was having hard time letting go of his cock, i gave it a few more kitten licks before i decided it was time to do what i wanted to do. I looked at him once more, he tought i was taking revenge for leaving me undone, but his expression changed when i got to a sitting position, still holding his cock in my hand. I placed it's tip to my ass hole, that was when his lustful eyes got a bit concerned.  
He placed his hand on my arm asking "harry... Are you sure?"  
"yes louis, i want it all " i said insuring him that i knew what i was doing, he eased up and moved his hand from my arm, to my hips, holding me so i could do it properly.  
His cock was wet enough from being sucked by me, so i slowly guided it in. As the tip got inside,i felt a very sharp pain in my ass, it was just too much at first. He gently cressed my waste easing up the pain when i finally got it all in. After a short while the pain was turning into pleasure. He was still holding me by the hip when i started to move up and down on his cock. A bit slow at first, but when the pain was gone away, i just couldn't stop myself from jumping on it faster and faster, his cock felt so big in my ass, so big, and so hot, the pleasure was so good that it was driving me mad "fuck.. Louis.. Your so big" i was a moaning mess, and no matter how fast i was fucking myself on him, i just couldn't get enough.  
Suddenly his grasp on my hip got tighter, and he pushed me down on the bed again with his cock still in my ass. He placed my legs on his shoulder and started to thrust in deep and hard,"oh god... Yes... Fuck me" words were slipping out of my mouth, my head was spinning with pleasure, his moans had filled the room and his thrusts were getting so much harder. I felt like he was splitting me in half, but i didn't care, i wanted him so much. "harder...fuck me" i was almost screaming now. He had his head buried in my neck, i could feel his breathing against my skin "your so needy for me harry" i couldn't believe he could still be teasing "fuck yes...i need you...I'm close" i could cum at any second, he wrapped his hand around my cock giving it a few tugs "come on harry, cum for me", with that i came so hard all over my stomach.  
He wasn't so far behind, after a few more thrusts, he came inside me, hard and hot. I can say that it was one of the best feeling i had so far.  
He grabbed the tissue from the nightstand and cleaned us both, and then crashed down on the bed beside me. "damn harry. That was the best sex I have ever had" he said breathlessly looking at me with wide eyes. I chuckled "that was the only sex i ever had!!" with that we both laughed a little.  
"how was it for you?" he asked with a more serious tone " i was actually begging for it!! How do you think it was??" i asked, mocking his stupid question, he chuckled again and looked away, "told you it would be good!" i shook my head and muttering "yea!" not wanting to say anything else. He was right, the sex was good, but he didn't know how i felt right now! doesn't matter anyway! It shouldn't matter. It shouldn't matter how exited i was to be able to feel his body. Non of my emotions should matter. All i had to do was to just lay there and don't think about anything other than how fuckin good my first time was. 

For a while we just lied there in silence, gaining enough energy to get up and do other things. "alright harry, lets go eat some dinner" he said finally sitting up and giving me a hopeful look "something tells me you tricked me with sex, so i come here and cook for you" he laughed "ooh, sexy and smart!!" i shook my head and got up from the bed, receiving a playful smack on my ass "but get dressed first, or i won't be able to stop myself from fucking you again " his cheeky tone made me blush a little.  
I didn't say anything else, i just wore my clothes and left the room for the kitchen. Still trying not to think about unpleasant things. I just wanted to focus on cooking. That's the best thing i could do for the rest of the day...


End file.
